She's my Sunshine
by writergal96
Summary: Jasper was looking for a way out of his way of life. But when he finds her he could not have ever dreamed how much their pasts were going to get in the way. This is Jasper's POV to my (completed) story When I'm with You. Short POVs showing a little insight into Jasper's mind.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, all rights go to Stephanie Meyer. **

**A/N** This is Jasper's POV of When I'm with You, which is in Alice's POV. You could read this first, but it may be a little confusing…so if you haven't read Alice's POV I suggest that you do, but you don't really have to. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter! (:

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Chapter One, Beaten, Bloody, and Bruised.

I woke up with the piercing screams of my sister. Her hair matted with sweat, her eyes bloodshot. She was sobbing uncontrollably.

"STOP! Oh please stop! You're hurting me! Ahhh!" Rosie screamed out.

I rushed to her room, trying to calm her down.

"Rosie! It's okay! Rosie you're safe!" I tried to comfort her. I always had a way of calming her down; more so than anyone else. My mother stood in the door way, tear stained. Rose was fighting me off but eventually the screaming stopped and she awoke sobbing.

"Jazz! He's here! Always! Every dark corner he waits for me! I can't shut my eyes jazzy! He's there! Waiting for me!" Rose yelped. I hugged her close to me. Trying with everything I had to ease her pain.

"I'm so sorry." My mother whispers from the hallway as she gave me a sad smile and left the room.

"Jazz?" She croaked. "Yeah?" She sniffles, "do you think I'll ever be okay again?" I tried to keep my own tears from brimming over my eyes. "Yes. I believe so with all my heart! And until you do, and forever afterwards, I'll protect. I messed up once, and I'm so sorry Rosie, but I'll never leave you unprotected again!" Rose smiled at me, "it wasn't your fault jazz. But I trust you; I know I'll be safe from now on. I'm sorry for crying so much." She started to get back under the covers. I kissed her forehead and wiped the little strands of her pale blonde hair away. "Sleep well Rose. I'll be right here." She smiled softly at me.

I took an extra pillow from her bed and lay down on the floor. "I'll always be here. I will always protect you Rosie." I promised quietly.

Soon I heard her soft snores, but I couldn't sleep. I just laid there, silently promising over and over again that I would become strong, learn how to fight, and never ever let anyone ever hurt anyone I loved ever again.

~000~

"Dad! Please dad, don't leave!" Rose was holding on to his suitcase crying. He ignored her pleads, "Rosalie get off of my stuff!" He yelled. "Don't yell at her!" Mom spat at him, then turning towards Rose, "Rose hunny, it'll be okay!"

HONK HONK!

A silver car pulled into our drive way, and a red curly haired woman stuck her head out the window.

"Babe! Let's go!"

HONK HONK!

Dad frowned at us, "Look I won't fight you for the kids. I just need a fresh start. I'm leaving you everything. Look at this as a fresh start for yourselves as well!" Then he walked out the door.

Mom and Rose sat on the floor holding each other, Rosie crying and mom looking dead.

~000~

The cold, hard hospital floor and the stupid clean white walls blurred. I was trying to hold myself together, but this was the second time in the last year I was sitting in this place hoping, praying, and worrying that someone was going to be okay. It was Rosie last time, but today it is my best friend Peter. He was in a car accident with his parents. They were all in surgery, and as soon as we heard, mom rushed us to the hospital; just me and her. This place is still too hard for Rosie to come to. Mom had gone to go get coffee and something to eat. We have been here three hours, and I refused to leave until I saw Peter was okay.

"Jazz?" Mom said quietly as she walked up to me with a handful of vending machine snacks, a water bottle, and a coffee. I quickly wiped my cheeks with my sleeve; I didn't want her to see me weak.

**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!**

I rolled over to see my alarm clock screaming for me to wake up. Every night for the past four years I have been haunted with the memory of that night. It begins with the first night after Rose was attacked, and we had that routine of her waking up screaming, me comforting her until she cried herself to sleep, and mom crying helplessly in the hallway. Our dad left a couple months after that, left with some lady named Victoria; we haven't seen him since. He gave my mom full custody of us, so he didn't have to pay a dime towards us. He was never home anyway, but Rose felt like it was her fault. She was walking home from a friend's house and a drunk nineteen year old walking home on the same sidewalk. She tried screaming and fighting him off, but he was stronger. She came walking in the house all beaten, bloody, bruised, and in complete terror. Mom panicked, and dad wasn't home, so I called the police. Then only three weeks after dad had left Peter was in the car accident. He made it through surgery, but his parents didn't. Peter ended up moving to Port Angeles with an aunt of his, but she got sick and couldn't take care of him so she gave shared custody to my mom; Peter has lived with us since.

"Jazz! Turn the alarm off!" Peter grunted, pulling a pillow over his ears. "Sorry, I kind of zoned out." Peter huffed, "You're always zoning out."

I hit the snooze button. I stood up and stretched out, as a cover for grabbing my pillow and tossing it at him.

"Wake up grumpy, we have training this morning!" I said in a fake excited tone.

~000~

Sweaty, sore, and tired, Peter and I were walking home from the gym. We joined a fight club a few years ago; and it was probably only because we were both tired of feeling helpless, but I don't like thinking about that. My thoughts were turning depressing when Peter interrupted me.

"Jasper, look at that, someone is moving in to that house." He pointed to the house that has been empty for as long as I can remember. We walk or drive down this road every day, whether it is from the gym, diner, park, Maria's, or the fight club. We only live a half a mile or so down the road. As we walked past the house a very tired girl flew out of the house, grabbed some shopping bags out of the car from the driveway and rushed back inside. The girl was absolutely beautiful, she was very petite with black short hair. I didn't get to see much of her face and what I did see of her face she looked exhausted, but she had the feeling of beauty and cheer around her. It was a happy, welcoming, safe feeling.  
"Err Jasper?" Peter said, interrupting my thoughts again. I realized I had stopped walking. _Pull yourself together, you have a girlfriend! _I scolded myself mentally. Peter smiled, "She's definitely prettier than Maria. She looks nicer too!" My eyes widened at his words, and then he laughed, "It was written all over you face." I shook my head, "Whatever." And walked off without him; he laughed catching up with me. He grinned, "Race ya home!" Then he took off.

We wrestled each other into the yard; I had easily caught up with him. We fell to the ground, trying to beat each other to the door.

"Look at you two, acting like a couple of kids." Rosalie's amusing tone came from above us. I hadn't realized she had walked outside, and was standing a couple feet away from us. Peter and I got up from the ground laughing.

"Uhm Rose we are all still kids!" Peter said seriously, though he was laughing. Rose huffed, "We will all be legal adults within the next year!" I laughed, "That's not much time Pete, we better act like children as much as we can!" Peter looked at me and grinned, he punched me in the shoulder yelling "Jazz, you're it!" Peter took off running; and I took off after him waving to Rose as I left.

We ended up playing tag for a good thirty minutes, running after each other around the neighborhood. It was really nice to act like a care free child for a while. But that had to end, because we needed to get groceries. Ever since dad left all of us kids, including Pete after he moved in, we help mom with the grocery shopping, chores, cooking dinner, and once we got old enough to work, paying bills. Mom was sad that we had to help so much, but she was very thankful and relieved that we stepped and took each of each other. What else is family for?

"Hey Jazz, I'm going to go get food, you get the rest." I nodded as I went in the opposite direction as him.

We met back up in the checkout lane; we only bought as much as we could carry since we walked here. In hindsight it wasn't a very good idea. There was a very pretty woman checking us out, she looked really tired. _Like that new girl earlier._ I thought suddenly. The cashier didn't look familiar. Maybe she moved in with that girl? The woman was really nice as she cashed us out, asking us how our day was, smiling the whole type, despite looking so tired. She seemed like an extremely caring person.  
"Have a good day boys!" She said as we left.

"Wow, she reminded me of mom." I said as we walked home. Peter nodded, "Right? I was thinking the same thing." Peter looked thoughtful, "We need to somehow make them friends. Your mom is always so stressed, she could use a girlfriend to talk to." I sighed, "You're right, we should ask Rose how to do that."

"WHOA! I am surprised you two thought of that all on your own." Rose said in a tad of an insulting tone. I smiled at her, "Yeah, yeah sis, we sometimes do things right. But how can we do that?" Rose looked thoughtful for a moment, "Uhm…Let's have one of us go to the store with mom every time she goes shopping" She stopped taking in our put out expressions, "I know that it is going to take a lot of extra work but it's for mom." That's true. Pete and I glanced at each other, looking a little defeated. "Now," Rose continued, "if we do that, we would have to make sure that she goes in" Rose stopped, "What's the woman's name?" Peter and I grimaced, "OH MY GOSH!" Rose threw up her hands, "Well looks like you goes are going to go shopping until you figure it out! Better hope she is working next time." She stormed out of the room muttering. "Well that went well." Peter said casually.

~000~

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" Rosie screamed out loudly, her whole body convulsing. "YOU'RE HURTING ME!" I tried to wake her up, "Rosie wake up! It's okay! It's Jazz! You just need to wake up! You're safe! I promise! Rosie!" But I couldn't get the image out of my head of her beaten, bloody, and bruised walking into the house looking as if all the good in the world was gone; and for her, I guess it was.

**BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!**

My eyes snapped open. I sighed, relieved, that I was awake. I hated sleeping, hated seeing my twin sister in such agony. Rose doesn't have as many episodes as she used to, they are pretty rare now. I can hear her crying herself to sleep a lot though.  
Suddenly a pillow was in my face, "Quit zoning out dude! I've been calling your name for like three minutes!" I moved the pillow to see a very disgruntled Peter. "Sorry Pete, we should probably move the alarm clock by your bed." Peter looked angry, and mumbled, "We're so stupid. We should of thought of this sooner!" as he unplugged the alarm clock and took it to the other side of the bed.

I laughed at him; he is always so grumpy in the mornings.

After getting dressed for work I went down stairs, to find a sad looking Rose.  
"Hey sis, what's up?" I sat down beside her at the table. "Hi Jazzy." Rose was the only person who ever called me that. She sighed, "I'm just tired." She smiled at me, "Though, I am looking forward to work today. I'm training some new, and I am looking forward to intimidating her." I grinned back at her, "I'm sure you will scare the socks off of her." Rose laughed, "Yeah, but I met her yesterday and she was really nice, she was happy, cheerful, and all sunny like." Rose frowned, "But I think there is something wrong with her." She sighed, at my confused look, "She has that look in her eyes, that no matter what happens, she will never be able to sleep peacefully." I was about to ask Rose more about that, but she stood up. I could feel that she was done talking. "Pete's taking me to work this morning, and mom offered to drive you." She smiled, "See ya Jazzy."

About fifteen minutes later Mom and I were in the car, she was driving me to work. I told her I could have walked, but she said she wanted to talk.

"So what did you want to talk about mom?" I asked, because I could feel how hesitant she was. "Jasper, I just wanted to tell you something I have learned over the years, something I think I need to tell you now." She smiled slightly, "I don't want you to say anything, just think about this okay." She sounded a little nervous. I smiled and nodded. "Okay" she breathed out, "Jazz, there are some people in this world who are going to use you, and there are others who are going to love you, and then those who simply don't care. But be careful to notice the difference between those who actually love you, and those who are just using you; because sometimes we blur the two." She smiled at me again, "I hope and pray every day that each of you kids find your own personal sunshine, because your lives have become so dreary." I opened my mouth to tell her otherwise, but she spoke first, "Don't try to tell me it hasn't or that it is okay, that's not the point. The point is that I want you to find your sunshine." Her words were a little vague, but yet they held a lot of meaning.

~000~

I work at a bakery, and every time I walk in here I can hear Pete teasing me about how feminine it is that I love baking cakes, and other deserts; but he especially teases me about the uniform. But I can't help it, I have a major sweet tooth, and not to brag but I have some good talent in baking. I have to wear a pink apron though, but I don't really care. I love baking, so it's worth it.

**BOUDO**

The door chimed as someone walked in. I turned around to see who it was, and my mood fell a little as I saw who it was.

"Jazz!" A high pitched voice said in a fake cheery tone. "Lauren." I said calmly. She grinned, "I was wondering if you wanted to go out to lunch? I know you get an hour break." She grabbed my hand from across the counter as she said this.

**BOUDO**

I tugged my hand away from her, "No thanks Lauren." Lauren frowned, "But wh-" Someone suddenly cut her off, "Because he is going to lunch with me." I cringed at the voice; _this isn't going to be good!_ "Maria." I said, but she ignored me, "I'll be in the car. You can drive."

She set the keys in front of me and walked out, causing the bell chime again. I sighed, as I ignored Lauren's upset face and went to tell Emily, my boss, that I was taking my lunch break. Emily was really nice, and of course wished me a good lunch. _Only if she knew_, I thought sadly.

The ten minute car ride to the diner was quiet, but I could feel the anger rolling off of her, I knew she was about to explode. Maria does this daily, and the best way to handle it was to be somewhere public, she is a lot calmer than when we are alone, or just in front of her friends.

I held in my sighs as we got out of the car and entered the diner. We sat down across from each other in a booth; Maria opened her mouth to start talking, but stopped. She just stared at me pouting, thinking over what she was going to say. She did this often, she would try to act all girly, innocent, and soft, and then next second a raging pit bull. I could see the emotions swelling in her eyes. Maria is going to explode. Just then our waitress walked over. I felt a sudden happy, cheerful, almost warm emotion as she walked over.

"Hello my name's Mar-" Maria cut off the waitress, "I do not care what your name is. I want water and a house salad with low fat Italian dressing." She barked out.

Here we go. I thought annoyed. The once happy waitress looked taken back by Maria's attitude.

Sighing, I ordered as well. "I'd like a coke and burger with fries." Remembering that since it wasn't Rose I had to tell her, "No cheese." The girl nodded her head slightly scribbling this down. "Okay I'll be ba-" again Maria cut her off "Yeah just leave." She waved her hand dismissively.

The waitress looked affronted, I felt terrible for her. The girl barely looked able to protect herself, so tiny and fragile. I had an unnatural craving to protect her, it wasn't the normal feeling I had around Rose, mom, or Peter, and definitely not the feelings I had towards Maria.

"Jasper Whitlock." Maria said sharply.

I looked up at her; she had interrupted my thoughts at a good time. Maria didn't need my protection.

She huffed at my non-reply, "Don't play innocent! I saw you two!" This time a sigh escaped, "Nothing happened" Maria glared at me, a glare that could rival Jane's, her best friend. We sat in silence, neither of us willing to talk. Suddenly I was thinking about what mom said earlier, about those who love you and those who abuse you. _You know Maria doesn't love you…is that what mom was talking about his morning? _ My thoughts were interrupted by a beautiful sound.

"Here is your drinks, I'll have your food here shortly." The waitress said, but she wasn't sticking around to talk; she just simply walked away. I felt sad and cold as she did. I looked away from where she went walking off to see Maria looking ticked, "Why were you looking at her like that?" I frowned at her words, "Like what?" Maria's face twitched, "You really don't know how you were just looking at her, do you?" she snapped at me.

I thought about Maria and my mom's words for about ten minutes when waitress brought back our food, and I realized it was the girl who Pete and I saw moving in yesterday. I wanted to say something to her, but I didn't have anything to say to her. _I needed to get my feelings together, I have a girlfriend…_ I thought about this as I ate, since Maria was silently ticking away until she would explode.

The waitress came back a few times, and she seemed to realize we were not in the mood to talk. I was just thinking about that I should pay attention to her name tag when Maria suddenly spoke after almost a half hour of silence.

"I saw you and Lauren." She said sharply. I looked her in the eyes, "Nothing happened." She huffed, "Don't lie to me Jasper!" I was holding in a sigh, "Maria sit down. We can talk about this, without yelling." Maria scoffed at my words, "Oh no! Whitlock!" She yelled my name as it was a dirty word, "We will no longer talk about this your way! If you can handle a fight you're not man enough!" Her voice was reminding me of my mother talking about people just using you, _you're so stupid Jasper, for ever thinking she loved you!_ I shook off those feelings, and thought about how surprising it was that this was all she was going to do. I expected her to start cursing, and hit me a couple of times; but we were in public and Rose is here.

I tried calming her down "Maria please sit down. I wasn't talking or loo-" Maria cut me off, "Oh really! You weren't looking at Lauren? Don't you dare think that I didn't see you talking to her!" She screamed, standing up throwing her hands around. She accidently, or maybe not so accidently, knocks her water into our waitress who just showed up at the wrong time. I felt an angry fire burn inside of me, a strange feeling, but it was very familiar. But Maria interrupted that thought. "Call me when you're man enough to a: admit what you did! And b: freaking apologize for it!" She grabbed her purse as she walked away; but she stopped, turned around, glaring "I won't wait long." Then she left.

I felt so angry, and it felt so familiar. _This is how you feel every time you dream… _The little voice in the back of my mind reminded me. I didn't understand this, and I felt numb.

_What does this mean? _Everything around me disappeared as I tried to figure out my own emotions.

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**A/N **Okay firstly, I don't have a beta, for either of my stories, so I apologize for any grammar errors. Secondly, I was going to post this in a few weeks, but I was feeling a little guilty with Jasper barely being in When I'm With You; well yet (;

So I will post the chapter of what happened on the day Alice got hit in the face with the diner door, and when Jasper punched Edward. (: But that'll all I am going to say… I hope you enjoyed this!

Comment, follow, or/ and review please! It's a little nerve racking posting your stories out there, especially since you don't know what anyone is thinking without them saying something… I'm not Edward guys, I cannot read minds. (: So I'll appreciate any feedback, even if it is critical! (:


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all rights go to Stephanie Meyer.**

**A/N This chapter is Jasper's POV of Alice's POV story When I'm With You, chapter 3. I suggest reading her part of the story first. (: I hope you enjoy!**

**Also I big appreciation to those of you who have favorite, followed, and/or reviewed on the last chapter! You guys are great! I squeal every time I get a new review or anything for either of my stories, and I am on a mini happy high for hours! Seriously, you guys, thank you! Please continue to give me your feedback, I wouldn't have the courage to continue posting without you guys (Love you!). (: A special shout out to those who have been following my stories, you know who you are! If you are really feeling up to it, post a review of your favorite part or line of this chapter or even from the last chapter. OR you could share with me which scene you are most looking forward to seeing Jasper's POV in so far; I love hearing your feedback! Okay, enough talking from me, and let's hear from my…I mean OUR favorite Jazz! *HEART!***

**Oh fair warning, there is some drinking in this chapter. I don't drink, and I definitely don't encourage it, especially the way Jasper and the people around him are drinking. I also don't encourage fighting. But it is all in this chapter, so if you don't necessarily like that I suggest you should think about whether or not you want to read Jasper's POV. He is struggling with a lot of personal demons but don't worry, he finds the light soon! (:**

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Chapter Two, Monster

"Jasper! I will not be late to work just because your stupid, petty girlfriend cannot decide what she wants to wear!" Rosalie hollered from the back seat of the car.

"It's not like I control her Rose…"  
Rose huffed, "Whatever. If she isn't out here in the next three minutes we are leaving!"

I nodded my head in agreement; no way was I fighting with her when she was already in this mood. Actually there is no fighting with Rose in any mood; she will always win.

It too Maria two minutes to get out into the car, and Rose looked pretty ticked that she hadn't taken any longer.

"Roooseee it totally sucks that you have to work soo early in the morning!" Maria said in high baby voice.

I hate it when she talks like this. I saw Rose scrunch her nose up in the rear view mirror. She didn't even respond to Maria. Thank God this is only a five minute car ride. The tension in the car was scary. Rosalie was a brewing hostile pot of hatred, and Maria was a snobby bubble of annoyance.  
Rosalie jumped out of the car the moment I pulled into the parking space, not even waiting me to put the car in park.

"Well somebody has issues." Maria said as Rose ran into the diner.

I just shrugged as I got out of the car.  
"Uh what are you doing?" Maria asked curtly.

"I thought we were having breakfast here?"

She rolled her eyes, "You are so stupid sometimes Jasper!"

Then she strolled right into the dinner, leaving me dumbfounded at what had just happened.

_I will never understand women…_

I followed her into the diner, hoping that she doesn't explode again.

I found her sitting in Rose's section, looking at the menu. She smiled at me brightly like she hadn't just called me stupid two minutes ago.

"Jazz, what are you getting?" She asked without looking up at me.

"Eh, what I also get."  
She scoffed, "You are sooo boring! The same ole Jasper always does the same ole things and always has the same ole reactions."

I decided not to indulge in her complaining; it's what ticks her off the most.

~000~  
We ate breakfast rather peacefully, but that was probably because we didn't say a word. Maria is the one who talks mostly in the relationship. Most would say I'm whipped, but I'm just smart. She is a lot nicer when I am silent than when I try to say things. Even the most casual things like talking about movies, books, or school will upset her if she is at the center of the conversation. I don't really care that much, I have friends that I talk to.

Rose was pretty ticked when she saw we were staying for breakfast. But I thought that was the whole point of me picking up Maria this morning.

_I swear, I will NEVER understand women….even though I can give a name to their every feeling, it does not mean I understand what the heck it means._

"Jazz, I need to go shopping." Maria said after Rose gave us the check.

"Okay, where?"

Maria shrugged, "A mall."

I closed my eyes and leaned back in my seat. I have training today and don't exactly have time to drive Maria around all day. Pete is going to be mad at me for being late; especially because it is for Maria.

"Jaspeeerrrr!" Maria whined, "Let's go!"  
She stood up and snatched her purse, "I really need new shoes and maybe a new skirt…" She said thoughtfully.

I just nodded my head, and tried to ignore her chattering on about clothing she doesn't even need. As we walked to the door I felt a sudden warm but slightly flustered feeling; but it was so powerful and overwhelmingly sweet, it caused me to stop walking.

"Jasper the door!" Maria complained.

_What is this feeling? _I looked around to see who could possibly possess this. It definitely wasn't Maria, so who could it be?

"Ugh! I'll just do it myself!" Maria mumbled as she released her anger on the door, pushing it fiercely.

The door stopped suddenly and there was a banging sound.

"OW!" Someone said in pain.

"Watch where you're going." Maria said, in a highly annoyed and snobbish voice.

_Did she seriously hit someone with the door, and then yell at them?  
_I walked out behind her to see the poor person she had hit. I was hit with that overwhelming warmth, but it was slightly clouded by pain. There was a tiny girl sitting on the sidewalk where she had fallen over, and was holding her hands over her forehead. She looked familiar but I couldn't place her.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, concerned.  
If I would have just paid attention and opened the stupid door, this girl wouldn't be sitting her in pain. I bent down beside her to see how bad the damage is. The girl removed her hands from her face and looks at me. I felt that overwhelming warmth, and something else; something I cannot name.

"Oh, yeah. I'll be fine, thanks." She tried to say assuring, but I could feel her doubt.

I held back the smile that was threatening to show. Her inner strength is quiet, but unquestioningly strong. I respected her for not complaining or screaming like Maria would have if someone had hit her with a door. I offered my hand to the girl. Her hand is was tiny and fragile, fitting snugly inside mine.

_She's that girl…_ The thought suddenly hit me.

"Alright, come on, she's fine. The door barely hit her." Maria snapped.

There was some hostility coming from the girl. Again, I was trying to hold back a smile.

_This girl has such a peaceful, happy, light, warm, and free atmosphere around her…_

I looked over her, making sure that she wasn't hurt anywhere else. I could only see the bump on her forehead.

_It's definitely going to bruise._

"Okay, well tell Rosalie I told her to get you some ice. You're going to have a bruise."

"How can you be so sure?" The girl asked me, she sounded a little irritated at the prospects of having a bruise, and I couldn't blame her.

I couldn't hold back the smile this time, "Trust me." I said, surprising myself.

_Why should this girl trust me? She probably doesn't even know me…or if she does it's because of Maria's fit when she was our waitress._

Maria started pulling my arm; I had forgotten she was even there. I was surprised; again, I can't believe that Maria had stayed quiet this whole time. But then something surprised me even more; the girl looked at me with, full of trust.

"I will." She whispered.

~000~

I stood in the middle of some name brand store, acting as a rack for the clothes Maria wanted to buy. She would walk around find what she wanted and then hand whatever it was to me. She never asked my opinion, and frankly I was grateful she didn't. I hate shopping.

"Jasper, check those things out for me? I'm heading to the next store." Maria said as she started walking away.

I sighed as I did what I was told. The lady working the cash register frowned at me, her eyes telling me she had a million things she would like to say to me about my girlfriend's behavior. I smiled at her, to try to ease her sorrow for me. It always surprises me when strangers have such strong feelings towards other strangers. It leaves me with a greater appreciation for my little gift, although I feel a lot of terrible things, I get to experience every caring and kind emotion out there. The lady smiled back at me as I paid, although she still was a little sad and concerned for me. I wanted to say something to ease her pain, but there wasn't anything I could say. I left the store and realized I had no idea where Maria had gone to.

**BBRRRIINNNGGGG BRRRRIIINNNGGGG**

I quickly pulled my phone out of my pocket, expecting it to be Maria, yelling about how long I was taking. But when I looked at the caller I.D it was Peter.

"Hey Pete."

"DUDE! Tonight, the clearing near Newton's; Alec is going to be there." Pete said seriously.

I felt my insides twist at Alec's name.

I sighed into the phone, "Alright, I will be home soon. I am out with Maria. Give me a couple hours."

Pete huffed rather loudly, "She controls your life." He was muttering, "I don't even understand what you get out of this relationship Jazz?"

_What do I get out of this? _I thought sadly. "I'll see you later Pete."  
I thought I heard him mumble something that sounded awfully like, "He doesn't even know" before he had hung up.

~000~  
After finding Maria, we went to another store or two, I wasn't really paying that much attention, she finally allowed us to leave. I dropped Maria off and then met Peter at the house. Maria was going to meet us at the clearing later that night; she got some strange enjoyment out of watching us all beat the air out of each other.

Peter and I spent the rest of the day planning out our night. We weren't going to go to the gym and tire ourselves out, although it was tempting to go punch a bag right now and pretend it was Alec. He was probably the most annoying, arrogant person I knew. He bragged about all the fights he had one, and although he was good, he wasn't that good. After we decided that we were going to leave Alec for last, and I would be the one to fight him. Alec and I had some history, and it was time I repaid a long running favor.  
I decided to go on a short walk, taking my IPod along. Putting my headphones in, I lost myself in the music playing. I let it pump me up for the night we are about to have. Last Chance by Jet started playing, and I could feel the excitement building about fighting Alec tonight. I felt myself grin at the words as the played.

"You ain't nothing to me if you got nothing to say

I don't know what you got that I can use anyway

Last chance honey

Last chance honey

This is your last chance honey

Last chance honey

This is your last chance

You ain't nothing to me so keep your money in check

I got something for you that you ain't never gonna get

So come on

Last chance honey

Last chance honey

This is your last chance honey

Last chance honey

This is your last chance"

I sang along to the words, but got even more excited as the next song came on. I started dancing around singing, not caring about anyone that could see me. My favorite band started playing my favorite song, and I couldn't control myself.

"Are you gonna live your life wonderin' standing in the back lookin' around?

Are you gonna waste your time thinkin' how you've grown up or how you missed out?

Things are never gonna be the way you want.

Where's it gonna get you acting serious?

Things are never gonna be quite what you want.

Or even at 25, you gotta start sometime.

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.

Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.

I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.

I wanna fall in love tonight.

Are you gonna live your life standing in the back looking around?

Are you gonna waste your time?

Gotta make a move or you'll miss out.

Someone's gonna ask you what it's all about.

Stick around nostalgia won't let you down.

Someone's gonna ask you what it's all about.

Whatcha gonna have to say for yourself?

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.

Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.

I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.

I wanna fall in love tonight."

I stopped so I could belt out my favorite part of the song,

"Crimson and clover, over and over.

Crimson and clover, over and over."

I started walking again, dancing around, and singing the rest of the song with the same amount of enthusiasm.

"Our house in the middle of the street, why did we ever meet?

Started my rock 'n roll fantasy.

Don't don't, don't let's start, why did we ever part?

Kick start my rock 'n rollen heart.

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.

So come on Davey, sing me somethin' that I know.

I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.

I wanna fall in love tonight.

Here tonight.

I wanna always feel like part of this was mine

I wanna fall in love tonight." (Jimmy Eat World, Praise Chorus.)

The song ended, and I felt a little sad.

_Well that's why the repeat button was created! _I thought happily, and sang my favorite song over and over until I got back home. Sometimes I would sing the "crimson and clover, over and over" part in the background, for it was my favorite part. I was completely pumped up by my song. It didn't matter what was going on, or what I was about to do, this song gave me courage, confidence, and filled me with energy. It was like the "break out of your shell" anthem for me. Little did I know that this song would have an even greater meaning for me in the near future.

~000~

I returned back to my calm and reserved self when I got home. Nobody that I know of has ever seen me loosen up and dance around foolishly. It was like my secret self, that I kept hidden from the world; even my family.

I checked the time and realized it was time to go pick up Rose. I let all of my Jimmy Eat World songs play as I plugged my IPod into the car and drove to the diner. This band was my secret as well; no one knew I listened to this band. I felt like that if I kept it to myself, it could never be ruined or taken away from me. It was a ridiculous feeling, but I didn't really ever think about it; in fear of the deep rooted feeling causing these pathetic emotions. I shook off those uncomfortable thoughts as I stopped at the stop sign.

I saw Edward Cullen, I didn't really know him but I have seen him plenty of times at school, and played against him in the town's local baseball games. Well before the whole town found out about Pete and I being in a fight club. He was walking down the road, towards my direction, listening to his head phones. He was a good guy, and someone I could have become good friends with. I also saw Tanya walking beside my car while I was stopped. When she spotted Edward, she took off at full speed towards him. She grabbed his arm, and he jerked his head up. He didn't look very happy to see her. I felt like I was invading, I made sure no other cars were coming and I continued driving down the road. As I drove past them, Edward and Tanya looked like they were in an intense conversation. I felt a whole host of emotions as I drove past them: irritation, anger, hatred, and the most powerful one was lust. I wrinkled my nose and was glad when I was far away from them.

I drove past Maria's house on my way to the diner. I saw her outside, and was praying she wouldn't be paying attention as I drove past. But what I saw almost caused me to slam on the breaks.

_Alec!?_ I thought bitterly, wondering why in the world he there. But then what I saw next hurt, horribly. Maria leaned into him on his car and wrapped her hands around his waist. Alec pulled her closer, and they brought their faces together. I focused my eyes back on the road, and turned the corner sharply. I just drove, forgetting about everything else except what I had just seen. I stopped the car at some park and just sat in my seat, staring at the steering wheel. I felt this awful, painful, searing pain ripping my heart apart.

_I love her…I know no one understand it, but I do. I don't think it's the sort of love you are supposed to have towards your girlfriend though. It's more like I love her because she is part of the terrible side of my life, and definitely doesn't judge me for it. All this time I thought she understood me, and didn't care how messed I am. But it makes sense now! Maria didn't care because she was the terrible side of my life, not just part of it; it was her. Fighting came second to her. She used me for my fighting, and I thought it was love. But she doesn't love me, she loves the idea of me, and anyone else, who is willing to fight for her and do as she says. I was stupid enough to trust her, and do all these stupid things for her…because I love her. _

I sat there, thinking it all over and over again. I was an idiot. Completely and unbelievably an idiot. I sat here brewing in my thoughts, when I realized what time it was. I silently cursed myself under my breath and started the car back up. Of course the first song to start playing was Gets It Faster, by Jimmy Eat World. Totally appropriate, and exactly what I didn't want to hear right now. But for some stupid reason I let the song play through.

"I don't care what you do.

I'm getting out , no nothing ever shames me.

Don't wanna thing from you

I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.

I'm getting out, no nothing ever shames me.

I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.

I should've thought things through.

I'm holding out, but not getting an answer.

I wanna do right by you.

I'm finding out, cheating gets it faster.

I'm holding out, not getting an answer.

I'm finding out that cheating gets it faster.

I'm holding out, but not getting an answer.

I'm finding out, cheating gets it faster.

I don't care what you do.

I'm getting out, no nothing ever shames me.

Don't wanna thing from you.

I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.

I should've thought things through.

Yeah I'm holding out, but not getting an answer.

I wanna do right by you.

I'm finding out that cheating gets it faster.

I'm getting out, no nothing ever shames me.

I'm going out, I don't care if you're angry.

I holding out, but not getting an answer.

I'm finding out, cheating gets it faster."

The song fit Maria…and I wondered faintly if she had ever heard the song.

~000~

I pulled into the diner to find Rose talking to that one girl and Emmett Cullen. They had apparently just arrived because Rose was saying hello to Emmett. She has been crushing on him since the first day she saw him, I understood why too. Emmett was nothing like any of the guys either of us has ever met.

_He was too sweet and kind of a guy to ever hurt her like…_

I didn't finish the thought. But I did know that Emmett also has been in love with my sister since then too.

The girl that Maria ran into with the door was standing there with them; the girl who is always so full of warmth and happy feelings. I could barely see the bruise that was forming on her forehead, and I realized immediately that Rose had covered it up for her; just like she has done many times for Pete and me.

"Hi Emmett. You know my friend Mary?" Rose asked brightly.

_Oh, so that's the girl's name._

Emmett nodded his head, "Uh yeah. See she was lost last night walking home from work, and I was out looking for Edward's dog that had accidently gotten out, he's still a pup, uhm anyway I ran into her, and well turned out we live across the street from each other."

Rose laughed a little too hard, "Good thing she ran into you."

I suppressed the urge to laugh. Those too together would be rather interesting; Emmett has no idea what he would be getting himself into, Rose is very…high maintenance.

Mary was smiling and was looking proudly at the two of them. I walked up next to Emmett, I was really in the mood to be here. I needed to talk to someone about what I had just seen. I was trying to hide my feelings, but felt like I was going to combust.

"Well there you are! Geesh Jazz, I've been waiting for you for an hour!" Rose complained, she was rightfully mad at me.

I felt Mary look at me, and I had an urge to look back at her. But I didn't, I just wanted out of here.

"Let's go Rose." I said calmly to her.

But Rose knew this voice, and she quickly realized I needed her.

"Okay, well goodbye Mary, see you tomorrow. Bye Emmett." Rose said kindly, but worry was starting to seep into her voice. Her eyes lingered on Emmett for a moment and then she quickly followed me outside. We got into the car and left before Mary and Emmett could even walk outside.

~000~

I drove us to our usual talking place: the old house that was falling apart in the middle of the woods.

"Jazz what's wrong?" Rose asked me, she was worried.

I hesitated for a moment and looked down at the steering wheel. Rose reached over and grabbed my hand; her way of encouraging me to let out all of my worries and pains.

I let her encouraging feelings swirl around me, and I tried to absorb as much of it was I could before I told her.

"I caught Maria…with another guy." I said simply.

Rose turned to a raging ball of hatred.

"THAT BI-" Rose started, but I cut her off.

"No…I'm glad I caught her." I said calmly.

Rose was confused, "Why exactly?"  
"I realized, she doesn't really love me." As I said this I remembered what mom was saying about there being a difference between people using you and loving you. It made sense now, and I was grateful for my mother and sister right now.

Rose smiled sadly at me, "I'm sorry it took this to show you that."

We just sat in the car, Rose holding my hand, in silence staring at this old house. Rose, Pete, and I found it when we were kids. We loved playing in this house, and always talked about buying it one day and fixing it up. We promised to live here with all of our families one day, we promised to all always stick together and raise our kids there; all of us, together forever.

I laughed out loud as I thought of the memory.

Rose looked over at me, smiling, "Are you thinking about how we used to play here?"  
I nodded my head, "Yeah…and the promise we made about all living here one day with our families."  
Rose laughed, "Could you imagine that? We would be the talk of the town…the crazy siblings that all live together with their spouses and kids, living in the woods."

I laughed too, "They would probably think we were a bunch of weirdo's. Like vampires or something for living out here. It's so far away from everything."

Rose smiled happily, "Yeah, but sometimes far away sounds nice."

~000~

Rose and I stayed out there for a half an hour. Both enjoying the silence and company that we shared. When we got back home, I dropped Rose off and Pete and I left for Newton's. We didn't tell Rose we were going out to fight, but I think she knew. She had given us disappointed looks as we left. I have always felt bad about not telling Rose the complete truth of where we were going. But she did know about my biggest and darkest secret; so it's not like I keep everything from her. I just try to spare her from knowing for sure.

We pulled into Newton's parking lot, and left the car there as we walked into the woods. It was probably a fifteen minute Hike away from here. When we got there it seemed like everyone was there already. Maria walked over to us and I ignored her and walked away. This shocked everyone around us who knew us. Pete caught up with me, I could feel the confusion coming off of him, but he was oddly happy.

"Dude what made you grow some?" Pete asked.

I rolled my eyes at him, "I'll tell you later."  
I could tell Peter was annoyed with that, but he accepted it anyway. Now definitely wasn't the time to talk about it, and he understood that.

~000~

There was a group fighting right now, and I was feeling pretty sore. Everyone was drinking, and well a drink sounded pretty good. After about an hour of drinking, I was feeling pretty light. Maria was ticked I was ignoring her, so she has been all over Alec. I was getting pretty angry with the two of them, and I have had enough of the way Maria has been treating me all these years. I wasn't feeling like myself tonight, and I was taking all of the fights a little too seriously. I broke one guy's wrist, and another guy's nose. The anger and hurt of all the things Maria has done to me in our relationship was boiling to the surface.

"Hehehehe! Oh Alec!" Maria laughed out loud, a little too fake for anyone to believe he was actually saying something funny.

"You have to come to the diner with me sometime!" Maria said cheerfully, but then she frowned, "Well maybe not. There is this girl that works there. UGH! I hate when she is my waitress." But then she grinned, "You should see the bruise I left on her face when I _accidently _hit her with the door this morning!" Maria laughed, sitting down on Alec's lap.

Alec stared laughing too. The two of them have always had a sick sense of humor. But when she started talking about Mary, something in me snapped. I walked over to the two of them. I grinned at them.

"Hey Alec, Maria."

The both looked at me a little unsure. Maria got up off of Alec's lap, and Alec walked over to me.

"Hey man, no need to look so…ticked." Alec said reproachfully, but it was hard to take him seriously because he was grinning proudly.

Probably because he thought it was humorous that my girlfriend was sitting on his lap. I rolled my eyes. His grin and arrogant mood on top of the fact that they were just laughing about Maria hitting Mary with the door…it was past the point of making me feel insane. I lost control of my self-control and punched Alec in the nose. Alec stumbled backwards and fell on his back. He obviously wasn't expecting me to react like this, and I used that to my advantage. Maria screamed as Alec fell over and she looked at me.

"JASPER! THAT THE HE-"

I cut her off, "You and me…were done. I don't want anything to do with you, I saw you and Alec at your house today when I was going to pick Rose up from work. And then everything tonight. I'm ashamed of ever being with you, not only because of your flirty behavior, but because of everything you said about that poor waitress!"  
The moment I brought up Mary, Maria's eyes went dark with hatred. I didn't care though, I just turned around and walked away.

I ended up walking back to Newton's. It felt a little good letting go of myself like that…but it also felt extremely wrong.

_Why the heck did I care so much about what Maria said about Mary? I mean, yeah how she acted was wrong, but when she brought up Mary…I just felt the need to protect her._ I was trying to understand my thoughts and feelings.

"Mary…" I said quietly, "I really need to get to know her some more."

Suddenly Edward Cullen was standing in front of me. "You better leave her alone." He said threateningly.

I was confused at first, but then I realized he must have heard me thinking aloud.

_And why exactly does he think he has the right to tell me this? _

"Mary is my friend, and the way you were just talking about her, I don't like it." Edward said roughly.

I was taken aback by his words, "Why?"

Edward chuckled darkly, "Look at you, a drunk who gets into fights. Mary deserves better than you, you would only destroy her."  
For some reason that sentence killed me inside. I felt like Edward had just ripped me apart. I didn't even realize what I had done until he was covering his face with his hands.

_What's wrong with me?! I just punched someone else without thinking about it! _

I felt like I was turning into a monster.

"WHITLOCK!" A loud, deep, angry voice called out.

I saw Emmett Cullen running towards me.

_Oh great!_

"Emmett! Em! It's fine. Jasper is leaving now, and all of this is just a big misunderstanding!" Edward said calmly.

I was completely confused by the way he was speaking. But then I saw Mary running behind Emmett looking utterly terrified.

_I am a monster. _I thought dejectedly. _  
_Edward Cullen looked over and gave me a sad smile that I didn't understand and pointed towards the building and whispered, "GO!" to me.

I took a step back and apologized, "Sorry Edward. Sorry Emmett."

And then followed Edward's instructions and ran into the store.

~000~

I called Peter after the Cullens and Mary had left. Peter was pretty upset with me for leaving him in the clearing by himself, and then demanded that I explain why I freaked out and then left. I explained it all to him, and he surprised me by sighing and giving me a smile, "Maybe you are changing Jazz, for the good."

But everything inside of me disagreed with that statement. I have done nothing for the past few years but hurt people because I was angry at the world, and worse, I had brought Pete into it with me.

No, I was not good, I was a monster.

* * *

**A/N **

**What do you guys think? Please tell me! Personally, this chapter breaks my heart! So if you liked this (even though it wasn't exactly happy) and want more, let me know by favoriting, following, or reviewing! And if you really want to make me happy do all three! Anyone who reviews wins! Uhm...they win a shout out in the next chapter? I mean...if you would like that! (: I don't know.**

**But anyway, I love you guys, thank you for reading my story! I hope you like it so far. I will be posting soon! Don't forget to read Alice's POV. I will actually posting a new chapter in that story soon! So watch out for it! But I will be paying a lot more attention to this story, so watch out for all the new chapters that will be coming your way, and very VERY soon! (: **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all rights go to Stephanie Meyer.**

**A/N SO shout out to: A guest (whose name I am not aware of, but thank you for taking the time to leave a review!), EsmeAliceRose (someone who should have an extra shout out for all the comments she has given me, which is every one of them! THANK YOU!), Sarah (a guest, who was the VERY FIRST person to comment on When I'm With You, I am so very thankful of you and am happy you enjoy my stories!). And a shout out to all of you, thank you so much! You guys are awesome, I love you all! (:**

**This chapter is Jasper's POV of Alice's When I'm With You chapter four. **

**I am always surprised by those who follow, review, and/or favorite. You guys are great, and I pray you keep reading! Jasper's story is just beginning and I have a lot of ideas, so watch out (;**

**Oh, and yeah Praise Chorus by Jimmy Eat World is one of my ALL time favorite songs…it is my 'get out of my shell anthem'. I find I identify a lot with Jasper and his personality, so I might possibly be writing more stories with his POV. **

**Now into Jasper's little world (: I hope you enjoy it. **

* * *

Chapter Three, a Needed Change

"You are an idiot." Rose scolded me as soon as I walked in the room.

I sighed, "Why?I just woke up Rose, what could I have done this early?"

Rose rolled her eyes, "Pete told me about your little punching fest last night. I mean, the first guy seemed like he deserved it, but what did Edward Cullen do?" She frowned at me, putting her hands on her hips.

She was demanding an answer and I knew I wouldn't be allowed to get away without one. I sighed again. I decided to be honest…well leaving a few things out; because I didn't understand them enough to speak about them aloud.

"He said I was drunk who gets into fights." I said shrugging

Rose's face went blank; she was just staring at me. "Aaaannnddd?" She said raising her eyebrows, apparently waiting for me to tell her the rest of the story.

I held my sigh in, "That's it."  
"You're kidding? You punched someone for just speaking the truth?" Rose looked incredulous.

_Ouch… _Her words rang through my body, causing me to cringe.

Rose sighed this time, "I'm sorry, but it's true." Then she smiled softly at me, "But it's something you can change."  
Rose left me to think about her words, and I decided to go on a walk.

I pulled out my trusty IPod and played my favorite song, putting on my playlist of Jimmy Eat World songs. As Praise Chorus filled my ears, I felt myself calm. I sang along quietly as I walked to a park nearby. I sat down on the swing and let my song release the tension from my mind.  
"Crimson, and clover, over and over" I quietly sang under my breath.

So many thoughts were running through my mind, but I was ignoring them for the words of the song. As the next song came on, I smiled lightly as the words registered.

"Hey, don't write yourself off yet

It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.

Just try your best, try everything you can.

And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away." (The Middle, Jimmy Eat World)

But I frowned as I remembered what Edward had said, and Rose agreed with.

_I'm a drunk, a sadistic fighter, and a monster…_

I didn't like feelings and atmosphere around me so I got up and started walking around the surrounding neighborhood. I took out my headphones because I felt as if I didn't deserve listening to The Middle that was playing right now. I didn't deserve something to make me feel better. I put my IPod back into my pocket as I walked through the grounds of the local church. Cars were just starting to arrive, and I was slightly envious of all the people walking around. They felt so happy and carefree. As I was getting ready to turn into the corner I started to feel a familiar warmth.

_No way…_ I thought, surprised.

I stopped, a hopeful feeling growing in my core. I couldn't help it, my body reacted without me even having enough time to process the whole situation. _She_ walked around the corner and ran right into me. My whole body buzzed with her touch. Her little hands were on my chest, and were all but burning a hole in my chest. My hands caught her elbows, her skin was soft and warm. She looked up into my eyes; her tiny features were soft and looked so terribly fragile. She was beautiful, I hadn't noticed before how beautiful she was. Her eyes were searching into mine; they were really looking with curiosity and a caring atmosphere swirling around her.

_Mary…the girl I am supposed to be staying away from…the beautiful girl with the warm and loving emotions…the girl who told me she would trust me…that Mary._

We stared into each other's eyes, neither of us moving. I secretly wished that I would never move. But Edward was right: I need to stay away from this girl. Being her friend would most likely hurt her, I wasn't good.

I laughed self-deprecatingly and it caused Mary's eyes to widen softly. She began to blush, and I could feel her embarrassment. She averted her eyes and I felt cut off. She looked down at where her hands were and her embarrassment tripled and her cheeks darkened in color. She quickly removed her hands and stepped back, making me feel even more cut off.

_I just wanted to hold you..._

My hands stayed in the place they had been where they were holding her elbows.

_I wish she wouldn't have moved…but it's probably good that she did. I need to stay away from her…she is far too good. She deserves someone as equally good._

But there was a little voice deep in the back of my mind that bitterly spat at me. _You could be good…_

"Sorry." I whispered to her. I was sorry for so many things.

She looked back up at me, and my face involuntarily lit up in a small smile when I could see her eyes again.

"Oh me too!" Her little bell like voice rang out, and then she bit her tongue. I could feel her embarrassment building even more; but I wasn't quite sure why.

I smiled at her, to try and show her that all was good. She smiled back at me brightly, and I was engulfed in her feelings of comfort and safety.

_She feels comfortable and safe around me?  
_She raised her delicate eyebrows, _I wonder why? She still feels safe, so what is she thinking? _I felt her curiosity mingle in with her other feelings.

"Why are you here?" she asked, apparently giving into her curiosity.

Her question reminded me of why I was walking around.

_Because I was trying to figure out my feelings…and brewing in self-pity of being a monster; which reminds me that I shouldn't be talking to you…_

I felt annoyed, annoyed because this girl felt safe around me when she shouldn't…annoyed that I couldn't be good for her, because I hurt so many people; and it's all for my own personal gain. I used to tell myself that it was for those around me, but it was all just my own little sick way of dealing with my own problems; and literally beating them out.

I looked her and saw that she still trusted me, just like she said she did yesterday. This beautiful, caring, kind girl didn't need to know what I was.

"Sorry." I said briskly, and walked away. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going; I just needed to leave.

I got around a corner and stopped to pull out my headphones. I need a distraction and quick. I just hit the shuffle button and kept walking.

"Oh my God, I'm such a terrible mess.

I'm turned on by the tabloids, you would never have guessed,

that I'm a sucker for their gossip, man I take it too far.

I bottle up my Hollywood, and watch them name their kids after cars.

I'm finding me out,

I'm having my doubts,

I'm losing the best of me.

We're all part of the same, sick little games,

And I need a get-away (get away)

I'm wasting my days, I throw them away,

Losing it all on these sick little games.

Fell in love, she was the friend of a sister,

of somebody famous - at least for a day.

Expensive habits and a taste for the town,

had me chasing down red carpets, and watching all my friends slip away,

They're finding me out,

I'm having my doubts,

I'm losing the best of me.

Dressed up as myself, to live in the shadow, of who I'm supposed to be.

We're all part of the same, sick little games,

And I need a get-away (get away)

I'm wasting my days, I throw them away,

Losing it all on these sick little games.

If I play my cards right I can make the big time,

I could be a reason to stare.

Caught up in the spotlight, shaking from the stage fright,

How did I end up here?

We're all part of the same, sick little games,

And I need a get-away (get away)

We're all part of the same, sick little games,

And I need a get-away (get away)

I'm wasting my days, I throw them away,

Losing it all on these sick little games.

We're all part of the same, sick little games,

And I need a get-away (get away)"

(All Time Low, Sick Little Games)

When the song was over, I had realized that I had stopped walking.

_What is up with my music lately…deciding it's going to confront me on everything._

~000~

I went home quickly after that, I had work today. It was just the distraction that I needed from all of my conflicting emotions at the moment. Baking helped me feel calm, it was something I was good at, and something I enjoyed. Unlike music, it couldn't tease me with words; so it was perfect.

**BOUDO**

The door alarm chimed. I could feel her emotions and recognized her before I saw her.

I turned around and smiled at her. "Rose."

"Jazz." She smiled back. "There's a baseball game later." She spoke casual, but I could sense her anticipation.

"Aaaannnddd?" I said, using her reaction from this morning.

Rose rolled her eyes, "Look, I just think it would be good for you to go."

_I wonder of Mary will be there? _I almost cringed at my thought, _what is wrong with me?_

Rose studied my face for a moment, and then she smiled softly. "Jazz, you are good. You just need to find it under the messy walls you have built up." She reached across the counter and touched my forearm. "I don't know what it is, but you've had a light in your eyes for the past couple of days; and whatever or whoever it was that gave you back a little bit of life, well you need to cling on to that person." Rose removed her hand from my arm, she gave me a little wave and then left.

**BOUDO**

_Well, that was odd…but was it true? _

I didn't have the answer but I was going to find out.

~000~

I was tying my blue converse when Peter burst into our room bringing in many happy and lovey feelings.

"JASPER!" He said grinning foolishly.

"Yes?" I asked curiously.

_He's never carried emotions like this around…and these are strong, did he meet someone?_

Pete sat down his bed, he was looking around dreamily and a grin that was threatening to permanently stretch his cheeks.

"I was walking home from the gym, and I meet this girl." He said in an absent voice.

I couldn't back the chuckle that escaped, "And what was this girl's name?"

"Charlotte." He breathed out. "She was beautiful, Jazz! She can't be any taller than five foot, and has these amazing green eyes!" Peter then smiled proudly, "She said I was funny. Man Jazz, you have to meet her! She leaves in a few days though." His smile faltered at the mention of her leaving, "But I asked her out tonight. I'm going to pick her up after the baseball game; we are going to the Lodge for dinner."

I grinned back at my friend, "Where is she from?"

Peter sighed, "Ohio."

"That's pretty far Pete."  
He hesitated, "Yeah. But Jazz, there is just something about her."

I felt the sincerity of his words, and I was strangely familiar with the feelings buzzing around the room. I shook those thoughts out of my mind, afraid of where they might lead.

"I hope I get to meet her before she leaves then."

Peter looked at me and grinned again, "Me too!"  
I held in my chuckle, "Alright, well are you ready for this game?"

Peter nodded at my words, "Yeah."

I sensed he was lying and I gave him a suspicious look.

Peter laughed a little nervously, "Well I am ready for it to be over."  
I couldn't hold back the snicker this time, "Come one." I said walking out of our room.

I could feel the excited energy as we pulled into the parking lot. There were a lot of people here, and I was looking around for someone that I was on good terms with. The more I looked around the more I realized that I didn't really have any friends any longer; I sighed at this. Pete was looking around, but then his phone started ringing and he started quickly retrived it from his pocket; with a little too much enthusasiam than what was necessary. He grinned at me as he answered the phone and walked away from all of the noise.

_I might as well go find Rose, I mean she was the one who invited me to come. _

I looked around for her for a good few minutes, but then I heard her familiar voice screaming through the park.

"AAAAHHHHHH!"

It was her blood curdling scream, and I knew something was terribly wrong. I turned around to see her, and…and Mary lying face down on the ground. I ran over towards them as other people started screaming and crying out for help.

"MARY!? MARY?!" Rose cried out, dropping herself to the ground next to Mary's limp body.  
I dropped down right beside her. "What happened?"  
Rose turned to me, "Oh thank God you are here! Jazz I don't know!" Rose had tears welling up in her eyes, she tried shaking Mary, but Mary wasn't moving.

"MARY!" Edward Cullen had run up to us. "What happened?!" He frantically demanded of us.

Rose turned to him, "I-I don't k-know! I-I, s-she just…just fell over!" the tears began spilling over her cheeks.

Edward and Rose were now trying to get her to respond somehow. I was sitting here, being absolutely unhelpful, but so were they; because she was still just lying there.

"EDWARD! ROSE!" Emmett had come over and dropped down to the ground near Rose. "What happened!?" He demanded in a hard voice. I've never heard Emmett speak like this.

"I-I don't know already!" Rose yelled, chocking on her own words.

Edward looked around at all of the wide-eyed nervous teenagers around us and he got up off the floor. "I'm calling dad!" He said resolutely.

_Why is this happening? She isn't dead…is she?_

At the same exact time Emmett and I grabbed one of her hands quietly. Emmett looked up at me; I could see the terror in his eyes, and the fear seeping from him. We both were checking her pulse, both absolutely terrified that we wouldn't feel a pulse. I felt both of our relief as we felt the little pulse.

"Dad said count how long she stays out!" Edward said walking back to us and kneeling down beside me.

"Edward." Someone whispered beside him.

I could barely hear it over everyone else's panicked voices and screams. The park was complete chaos.

Bella Swan was now kneeling down on the ground with us, tears threatening over her lashes. "Is she going to be okay?"

Rose's head snapped up at Bella's words. "OF COURSE SHE IS!"

Emmett grabbed a hold of my sister's shoulders, as she grabbed on to Mary's hand. "She has to be okay!" Rose cried.

Emmett had pulled out his phone and was watching the clock. Bella was starting to sob in Edward's chest, and he was quietly trying to comfort her while we all waited for help. People were still gathered around and were panicking. As time was slowly ticking by, I could feel my insides turning to mush.

_I haven't even gotten the chance to get to know her, to learn things like her favorite color and how she likes her coffee; or if she even likes coffee…but those were just the little things, I want to know what her dreams are, and her darkest fears…I wanted to know everything; it's all important. But what if I don't get the chance?_

I was a little shocked at myself and wondered where these thoughts had come from. Edward turned to look at me, and half glared; but it was washed out by the intense fear he was feeling. Rose started to sob, and the time kept going by.

_Where is the help?_

"MARY!? MARY CAN YOU HEAR ME?" Rose jumped up, and looked around at everyone, "SHE MOVED! SHE MOVED! HER EYELIDS FLICKERED!" Rose had a watery smile on her face.

Everyone looked to Mary, looking for something to give us hope she was regaining consciousness. Her eye was moving behind the lids and her lips were twitching.

"MARY!" "OH MY GOSH MARY!" "ARE YOU OKAY? MARY!" "IS SHE OKAY?" People started hollering around us.

But then the most amazing thing happened: Mary opened her eyes, and the moment her eyes saw all of us around her she was filled with love, anticipation, and she felt cared for.

~000~

Dr. Cullen had arrived and they took Mary to the hospital. Emmett, Bella, Edward, and Rose all went to the hospital with her. As much as I wanted to go, I knew she was safe; and that's all that really mattered. I need to stay away from her, or at least until I change. Because suddenly seeing Mary on the ground, seemingly lifeless; I didn't understand it, but I wanted her in my face, and in order to do that I needed to change.

When Peter came back he was suprised to hear what had happened in the short fifteen minutes he was away, but since Mary was okay he didn't dwell on it too long. But me, I couldn't get my new resolution or thoughts of Mary out of my head. Then suddenly as I was walking home from the park, (I had let Pete take the car to go pick up Charlotte) my favorite part from Praise Chorus came to mind.

"Crimson and clover, over and over."

I sang this part over and over again quietly as I walked home, remembering the meaning of those words...from the song named Crimson and Clover by Tommy James and the Shondells. I smiled as I remembered the lyrics to that song, and laughed silently at my realization.

Ah, now I don't hardly know her  
But I think I can love her  
Crimson and clover

Ah, now when she comes walkin' over  
Now I've been waitin' to show her  
Crimson and clover  
Over and over

Yeah, if I'm not such a sweet thing  
I wanna do everything  
What a beautiful feelin'  
Crimson and clover  
Over and over

Crimson and clover, over and over  
Crimson and clover, over and over  
Crimson and clover, over and over  
Crimson and clover, over and over

I am that crazy, irrational person, who may possibly be in love with someone I hardly even know...and I will keep this secret along with my Jimmy Eat World secret, at least unil or if I ever get the chance to tell that sweet girl the truth.

_I sound like such a girl..._ My mind thought bitterly, but I didn't care anymore. I was determinded: I will be the best I can be for that girl. Rose said it best earlier, I just need to get rid of my messy walls; which sounded a lot easier than I knew it would be, but it would be worth it. I knew deep down it would, the best things in life are always worth fighting for. I just need to learn to fight for those right things, and not the wrong things like my ego and pride.

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**A/N I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Let me know your thoughts! AND if you review, favorite, or even follow I will put a shout out for you in the next chapter! (: **

**The next chapter will be up soon! I will also be posting a new chapter in When I'm With You soon, so watch out for it! ALSO I will be, very soon, be posting a new story about Carlisle and Esme, so watch out for that as well! LOVE YOU GUYS! *heart* **

**Tell me what you guys think of Jasper! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all rights go to Stephanie Meyer.**

**A/N Shout out to EsmeAliceRose and PeanutButterLover21, for commenting and following last chapter. All of you who read, follow, review, and favorite are awesome! Thank you! (: **

**I'm sorry for taking so long to update, I've been really busy and recently been sick. But I will make up for lost time, pinky promise! **

**This chapter is Jazz's POV of Alice's chapter five. (: **

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Chapter Four, Sunshine.

I was reading my favorite world history book as I waited for Pete to get home. But I couldn't concentrate on the words, I was worried about Mary. Was she okay?

_Uh, why can't I get this girl out of my head? She's in my dreams, she is consuming my thoughts. I can't even read my book!_

I had the urge to toss my book across the room, but instead I gently set it down on my night stand.

_No reason to ruin one of my history books because I'm frustrated with myself. _I thought logically. Probably the most logical I have been thinking this past week.

_No, you broke up with Maria. That was the most logical thing you have ever done. _My mind reminded me, a little proudly.  
After that night I have felt so free. Like this giant, heavy weight was lifted from my shoulders. But the moment it was off there was a new weight. It wasn't heavy or burdensome, but confusing and slightly frustrating; and its name is Mary.

"Hey!" Pete said happily as he walked into our room; he was all smiles.

I was hit with happy, cheery, and wishful feelings. I smiled up at him, "It went well?"

Pete collapsed onto his bed, "Yeah." He said dreamily.

I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Oh man Jazz; I can't wait for you guys to meet!" Pete looked over at me, and gave me a loopy grin. "She's so sweet and funny."

I threw a pillow at him, "Dude." I said with a smirk.

Peter sighed, sitting up on his bed, "Thanks, I was beginning to forget who I was with all that mushy talk." Peter rolled his eyes at himself. "So what happened to that girl, Mary?"

I frowned, "I don't know."

Peter seemed to take in my mood, "Hey, let's go downstairs and wait for Rose." He suggested.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm sure there is some ridiculous movie on right now."

~000~

Rose walked into the door, it was around nine o'clock. She looked tired and her eyes were still swollen from all of her tears.

"You look like crap Rose." Peter said happily.

Rose glared at him, "Right back at cha."

Rose slowly made her way over to me and sat down beside me on the couch. Pete and I were watching some cheesy horror movie. Rose curled up beside me; she was an overwhelming source of sorrow.

"How was the hospital?" I asked gently.

She shrugged, "It was good; we were all joking and laughing, although it was really hard to ignore the underlying seriousness of the whole situation." She was silent for a few minutes when she looked up at me and smiled, "We did make a plan."

I smiled back at her, trying with everything in me to lift her spirits. "Oh yeah?"

Rose nodded her head, "Yes. Emmett is calling it the 'no stress plan'." She giggled, and I was immediately surrounding with her feelings for Emmett.

"No stress plan?"

Rose looked up at me, "Dr. Cullen told us all that Mary has been over stressed."

"So it was because of stress that she passed out?" I was extremely curious, and was really worried about her all day.

"Apparently. I'm surprised Mary doesn't have a concussion from falling at the park the other night and from hitting her head on the ground at the baseball field."

"What?" I asked confused, what happened in the park?

Rose furrowed her eyebrows, "Jazz, don't you remember? Edward and Emmett told us earlier at the baseball field."

I suddenly realized that I don't remember much from that, that I can recall very little from the whole situation. Actually the whole time I was there I had been blocking most of what had been happening.

"I don't remember much from that actually." I said a little disconcerted.

Rose frowned, "That's strange. I remember everything perfectly."

I cannot believe I can't remember, I barely remember Mary waking up. Everything went by so quickly after she did. Edward and Rose had asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital, but I could feel that Edward didn't really think I should. He is extremely protective of Mary.

_I wonder if there is something going on between the two of them?_

"We should have noticed. I work with her all of the time, but I never noticed how tired she looks. I should have been a better friend. " Rose said sadly.

"Don't blame yourself… you can be there for her now. That's what matters now." I said gently.

She looked up into my eyes, determination filling them. "You're right."

_I just wish I could be there for her… _I was a little shocked by my thought, but recently I've been shocked by everything that has to do with Mary.

~000~

***CRACK* **

Alec's fist connected with my right temple, knocking me to the ground. He laughed, amused. "It seems that the _great Jasper _isn't all that great!"

The crowd around us began to laugh at his comment. But I didn't care; I didn't even have enough wits to gather myself from the ground.

"Maybe you should think twice before you take me on next time!" Alec yelled, kicking me in the ribs with his boot.

I couldn't help but groan in pain; this only caused the crowd to holler louder with their laughter.

Alec smiled triumphantly at me, "It seems Maria choose the real man."

_Maybe she did… _I thought bitterly. I was lying on the ground, being laughed at by people who I thought were on my side.

_Pride cometh before the fall. _

"Let's go." Alec said to his posse and they left me struggling to sit up in the woods.

Everything ached and was screaming at simple movements. I am going to be laying here for a while. After fifteen minutes or so I heard some footsteps.

_Please be Pete…please be Pete. _My mind begged.

"You look terrible."

I looked up at the voice to see Jacob smirking at me, extending his hand out.

"Shut up." I said roughly. "I don't need your help."

Jacob rolled his eyes, "You're acting like a prideful child."

I went to grab his hand, but missed it; not being able to see clearly through my right eye. Jacob grabbed my hand that was dangling uselessly in the air.

"Alec really messed you up pretty bad, didn't he?" Jacob asked with concern showing in his expression.

"Obviously." Irritation seeping into my strained voice as Jacob pulled me to my feet, and steadying me against a tree. "How'd you know I was here?"

Jacob shrugged, "Oh, I was going into Newton's when I overheard Alec and his friends talking about him almost beating the life out of you."

I snorted, causing my ribs to explode in agony. "Of course, he is going to be dramatic about it." I tried grinning at Jacob, but it came out more as a grimace, "I'm nowhere near dead."

Jacob shook his head, "What happened anyway? Why were you all here? I didn't know we were meeting his afternoon."

I hesitated, "Late last night I went out for a walk, and I ran into Alec. He was pushing me around and I told him I wasn't going to fight without witnesses."

Jacob pressed his lips together, obviously trying not to laugh, "Seems to me that you would have been better off fighting him without witnesses."

I chuckled, but immediately stopped because of the pain. "Yeah, probably." I didn't tell him, but I was so angry last night that I might have killed the kid. And I _really _didn't want to go down that road again. I suppressed the shudder that always comes with the thought of that night. "Why were you heading to Newton's?" I asked to change the subject. I felt Jacob's hesitancy, but that was a minor feeling compared to the affection he was feeling. I smiled at him, "A girl? Who works there that would catch your attention?"

Jacob looked away, "Eh, you don't know her."

I rolled my eyes, "Dude, it's Forks. Of course I do."

Jacob looked back at me, "I'll tell you if things get more serious."

I nodded, "Fair enough. But not too many girls work there." I was mentally going through the faces of all the girls I had ever seen there before, when one suddenly came to mind. "Swan?" I remembered all the times Jacob would act like an idiot when we would come to Newton's parking lot to meet up. It must have been because of her. "No way!"

Jacob shouldered me, "Let's get you home." I felt his embarrassment raising.

I could see the smile on his face that he was trying desperately to not let me see.

_So it is the Swan girl… _

I let it go; I mean he was supporting me as we walked back to the parking lot.

~000~

"You are a complete and total idiot." Peter said, shaking his head as he helped me ice my ribs and temple.

I sighed, "Please, I don't need to be reminded."

"You're going to have some bruises." Peter said carefully.

I always thought that he should go to school to become a doctor. He basically acts as my doctor all of the time, and even sometimes for Jacob. But he doesn't really like Jacob. I could tell that he was irritated that Jacob was there to help me and not him. Jacob noticed this when he dropped me off, so he left after making sure that I had enough ice packs. Jacob and I have been something like friends for years, but the only time I see him is when I am fighting. The kids down at La Push are crazy good at fighting, and I thought it would be better to befriend them than to be against them; apparently they thought the same as me. At first we were all just a couple of wannabe fighters who would steal liquor from home and mess around. But then we actually became good, and started getting into the betting rings.

"Jasper?" Peter's voice broke through my thoughts. His face looked concerned. "Did you just hear that?" He looked into the living room from where we were sitting in the kitchen.

"Hear what?" I asked, trying not to breathe too deeply. My ribs were aching still.

Peter hurried over to a drawer and scrambled through it.

"Uh what are you doing?" Pete was feeling nervous, but I didn't understand why.

"I just hear a car pull in." He spoke quietly and came back over to me holding something in his hand.

I felt a cold liquid suddenly on my face. I realized Peter was smearing cover up all over my cheek bone and nose. I began to help him rub it into my skin. Rosalie or mom must be home, and I couldn't stand watching them cry and yell at me again.

***SLAM* **

The front door opened, and closed. Peter and I tensed and quickly got rid of all the ice packs.

"Oh, hey guys." Rosalie said happily as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hey Rose. You seem to be in a good mood?" Pete asked carefully.

Rose eyed him, "Of course I am. Why do you sound so surprised?"

Pete shrugged, "Uh because you're not normally like this."

Rose chuckled, "Yeah, well get used to it!" She smiled brightly at the two of us as she walked back out of the kitchen.

Peter and I exchanged a look. But Pete suddenly started laughing.

"Dude! Look at your face!" He laughed, pointing at me.

I got up and walked into the hallway where a mirror was. I couldn't help but to laugh myself. The cover up was in clumps all over my face.

"I cannot believe Rose didn't notice this!"

Peter nodded his head, "Agreed. Maybe these new friends of hers are as good for us as they are for her. If she keeps this up, we could get away with things."

~000~

Rose laughed cheerfully, "Emmett! You are such a goofball!"

I rolled my eyes at my sister, who was talking a little too loudly into the phone. Rose was carrying grocery bags and setting them on the counter. She talks to Emmett all of the time, and it's been highly annoying. This new Rose, who is always happy and cheery is strange. But it's also nice to see, she hasn't been this way since before dad left.

"Those two are totally going to end up together! Come on, admit it!" Rose said seriously, "They are totally perfect for each other; they just don't know it yet." Rose laughed, "Oh you're so on!"

Rose didn't seem to notice that I was sitting at the table in the kitchen as she put away groceries and talked to Emmett on the phone. I had a strange feeling in my gut that she was talking about Mary. I mean that is the only girl Rose hangs out with on a regular basis. She is friends with some other girls, but they only hang out at school and group outings; they aren't her real friends. In the past week it's only been Mary, Emmett, and Edward.

Rose giggled happily, "Oh I'm so lucky to have such friends!" She spoke in a slightly mocking tone.

I quietly snuck out of the kitchen, deciding I would go out for a walk, and went upstairs to grab my shoes and IPod. I smiled to myself as I put on my Jimmy Eat World playlist.

"It's how the hustle goes, see what the jukebox knows.

Put my last quarter on, I play "Authority Song".

Honesty or mystery?

Tell me I'm not scared anymore.

I got no secret purpose, I don't seem obvious do I?

I don't seem obvious do I?

The DJ never has it, Automatic.

If those were Roy's headphones, you bet he'd play "What Goes On".

Honesty or mystery?

Tell me I'm not scared anymore.

I got no secret purpose, I don't seem obvious do I?

I don't seem obvious do I?

Oh I'm here, that means something doesn't it?

Oh won't you dance with me a little bit?

Oh you don't notice, I guess the music's too loud.

It's how the hustle goes, see what the jukebox knows.

Put my last quarter on, I play "Authority Song".

Honesty or mystery?

Tell me I'm not scared anymore.

Say anything you want already I'm not scared anymore.

Honesty or mystery?

Want something else?

Just tell me I'm not scared anymore.

I got no secret purpose, I don't seem obvious do I?

I don't seem obvious do I?" ( Jimmy Eat World, The Authority Song)

I walked, numbly; just listening to Jimmy Eat World play from my head phones. Like everything now a days, this song made me think of Mary.

_Oh Mary, the constant thought on my mind. The only thing I haven't been able to ever get out of my head; even fighting doesn't fix it. _

But the strange part was, I can hardly remember any time I have spent with her. It was annoying and I couldn't figure out what was going on. It's like almost everything inside of me wanted to forget her, but something was making thoughts of her hold on.

I felt the familiar sunny emotions, and realized I had walked to the diner. She was standing outside; probably waiting for someone to come and pick her up, if I remember right it was Edward's day. The closer I got to her I could feel sad and gloomy emotions.

"Why so gloom?" I asked, the words pouring out of my mouth before I could even think.

I had some insane craving to understand things about her.

_Oh yeah? Because you can't seem to remember anything about her! _My mind yelled at me, I feel so contradicting within myself.

Mary turned to me, surprise engulfing her face. ""I'm not." She said quickly and quietly.

"Is that so?" I chuckled at her answer, but for some reason my voice came out in a whisper.

"Yes." She whispered back to me. She moved closer to me, seemingly unconsciously.

I could still feel her gloomy emotions, they were swirling in her eyes; it saddened me to know that she was upset. "You're lying."

"Uhm what?" She said, taken a back. She took a step away from me.

_Now you're being weird! Fix this! _My mind scolded me.

"Your eyes. They give you away." I said the first thing that popped into my mind. At least it was true.

She laughed self-consciously, "You can't possible tell that by looking into my eyes." Her voice was filled with doubt.

"Maybe I can, maybe I can't." I said shrugging.

Her eyes trailed around the parking lot.

_She doesn't want to talk to you… She wants to go home. _I smiled self depreciatingly at that thought. But I didn't want to leave her. So I decided to keep talking until her ride got here.

"Waiting on someone to come and get you? Rose told me about their 'no stressing' plan." I asked, already knowing her answer, but longing to hear her bell like voice again.

She sighed, she seemed a little irritated it but that was minor to the loving feeling that was stronger in her sigh. "Yes. I am driving to and fro everywhere. But I am lucky to have such a great group of friends."

I remembered Rose saying something very similar earlier. "It's been awhile since I've seen Rose so happy."

"What do you mean?" She spoke with curiosity and worry.

I immediately wanted to get rid of her worry, ""She just seems happier." I couldn't help but smile at the memory of Rose walking around the kitchen giggling and laughing while talking to Emmett. "She is so worried about you right now that she hasn't the time to scold me about mine." Rose still hasn't noticed anything wrong with me.

Mary smiled brightly at me, and I could feel her sweetness. "I'm sorry I've been stealing away your sister's mothering."

I couldn't help but laugh, "Rose is very mother-like isn't she?"

Mary let a beautiful, bubbly laugh, "Yes, she yelled at me the other day at lunch for having my glass so close to the edge, saying I was going to spill it. And she is constantly telling Emmett to wipe his face while eating. But the person she gets on the most is Edward; she says he's too moody."

She spoke so animatedly about my sister and the Cullen boys. And in this moment, I realized that I would do anything I could to hear her laugh and see her smile like she is right now. I wish that I could be someone she would talk to cheerfully about. This girl is just too kind and happy, and as much as I don't deserve anything so sweet, I would do anything to try.

The sun shined down on her face as she spoke, and it suddenly hit me.

_She's just like sunshine. _

"You four have gotten rather close this past week." I stated.

Mary looked confused, "Yes?"

"They always say when you find your soul mate that you just know, and I think the same goes for those special friends. When you find them, you just know."

_I think…that maybe, no matter how crazy it sounds, that you may be my soul mate._

She smiled, "I think you're right."

It was like she was answering my thoughts. I felt embarrassed by my own thoughts, and the strange things I have been saying.

I sighed._ You're so weird! _I scolded myself in my thoughts.

I felt the same feelings that were swirling around Rosalie this morning, and looked around the parking lot to see Emmett Cullen.

He was grinning happily, "Hey Mar-mar! Eddie was busy, he told me to say 'sorry lil freak!' but that you might know why he was busy. Whatever that means! Do you two have secrets?"

Emmett then looked over at me, and his emotions changed quickly to anger. "Whitlock."

_I might as well start trying to get along with him now. Especially with whatever is between him and Rose._

"Cullen. I'm sorry. But I hope we can be friends." I extended my hand out to him.

"Sure." He said taking my hand.

We both smiled, "And also, don't hurt my sister. You may be twice my size, but I am willing to take you down if you hurt her."

Emmett grinned at my words, and I could feel the emotions that Emmett had, had when he first walked up return. "I wouldn't expect anything else."

I started to walk into the diner, but turned around to say goodbye to Mary. "See you around Mary."

Then, the most unbelievable thing happened. Mary giggled, and I was overwhelmed with affection. "Hehe, Okay."

I walked into the diner with a huge grin on my face.

_There is no way I caused her to giggle like that, right? _

The words from Authority song came to mind, "I don't seem obvious, do I?"

_I wonder if she has any clue how much she affects me. _

I sat down at a booth, not really paying attention to my surroundings. Thinking over what had just happened.

_Could she really be my sunshine?_

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**A/N I hope you guys liked the chapter! Please review, follow, and/or favorite! I love hearing your feedback! (:**

**Next chapter will be Jasper's POV of carrying Alice to the hospital. Exciting! (:**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all rights go to Stephanie Meyer.**

**A/N Jazz's POV of Alice's chapter six and seven.**

**Shout out to Sarah v, for commenting on the last chapter before I posted this one. Thank you! Thanks to all of you who read, review, follow, and favorite! **

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Chapter Five, Didn't See That One Coming.

Ever since Thursday when I came to the realization that Mary is my sunshine, I haven't gotten her out of my thoughts; and I haven't seen her either. So I have been silently dying inside, and it's not like I can share this with anyone. They would believe I am insane; I even believe I am insane.

Peter and I have been dazed the past few days, apparently girls have some magical powers that make you lose your head. We don't talk about it, but I know we are both feeling the same way.

"Are you even listening to me?" Rose huffed.

"Uh what?" I looked at her, realizing that I had once again been lost in my thoughts.

Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Are you going hiking with everyone today?"

I sighed, _you mean the hiking trip that you have talked nonstop about, the one where Mary will be attending? I wish… _"No, I have work today."

Rose frowned, "Too bad. Mary's going to be there."

I tensed, "Uh-uhm, why would that matter?"

Rose smiled mischievously and shrugged. "See ya later!" She hollered as she walked out the door.

_What does she know?_

~000~

I was decorating cupcakes, trying and failing to not think about the hiking trip. I wondered how it was going, and if Mary was having fun. I sighed, realizing how mental I have become in the past few days. I barely know anything about this girl and I am in love with her.

_Love? _My thoughts questioned me.

I tried to ignore all thoughts of Mary after that little confession of mine. I mean you can't really love someone you don't know, right?

The rest of the day carried on with my thoughts just going around and around with the thoughts of her mingled with the thoughts of love. I got of work around six thirty and started walking home. I pull out my trusty IPod and play Jimmy Eat World.

"Could've been a night like any other

One of us has to drive

One of us gets to think

I'll force a laugh to break the silence

It's gonna get harder still

Before it gets easy

You can't keep safe what wants to break

I'm alone in this

I'm as I've always been

Right behind what's happening

She's all lost in this

She's all like she'll always be

A little far for me to reach

I was just a boy like every other

I thought I was something fierce

I thought I was ten times smarter

Love would be something that I just know

(Something I just know)

How you gonna know the feeling till you've lost it

I've been losing plenty since

I'm alone in this

I'm as I've always been

Right behind what's happening

She's all lost in this

She's all like she'll always be

A little far for me to reach

Maybe something else I'm missing

Something good and your the reason

It's a dream but there's a real world waiting

I'm alone in this

I'm as I've always been

Right behind what's happening

She's all lost in this

She's all like she'll always be

A little far for me to reach

I'm alone in this

I'm as I've always been

Right behind what's happening

She's all lost in this

She's all like she'll always be

A little far for me to reach"

(Jimmy Eat World, Always Be.)

_She is a little too far to reach. _I thought sadly.

Within the short gap of the music switching to the next song I heard loud cackling. I turned my head to the sound; it seemed to be coming from the park across the street. Curiosity getting the better of me, I decided to walk over to see what was going on. I crossed the street to see something that stopped my whole entire world from spinning. It was like a rug was pulled from under me.

Mary lying face down on the ground with Maria, Jane, Nettie, and Lucy standing around her laughing. The whole scene was enough to make me sick. I ran over towards her, praying that she was okay.

"Jasper?" Jane yelled, surprised.

The other girls exchanged looks and ran off; Maria only stayed a second longer to give me a triumphant smile. Sneering, "You sure know how to pick em!"

I dropped to the ground next to Mary, not caring about the others running off; they didn't matter right now, I would deal with them later.

"Mary! MARY? Can you hear me? Oh please! Mary, please!" I pleaded.

She was lifeless, not responding to anything.

_Hospital, I have to get her to the hospital. _My thoughts were hurried and scared.

I quickly picked her up and started running to the hospital. She has such a tiny structure and feels so fragile; she shouldn't be out by herself.

My thoughts and emotions were blurry as I ran, I kept looking down at the small body in my arms, hoping and praying that she would just open her eyes.

"I promise that you'll be okay! I'm here, I'll make you safe! Please just be okay!" I whispered frantically to her, knowing she'll never hear me. "Oh Mary, I'm so sorry!"

I ran as fast as my body would go, it was like everything in me was in panic mode. Adrenalin coursing through my veins, _I need to get her there now. _

The hospital came into view and I pushed myself to run harder. Thankful for the automatic doors, I rushed inside.

"Help! Somebody please help her!" I asked, yelling in agony.

Several nurses heard and instantly were at my sides. Asking me questions about what had happened and who this was and other questions that I could barely answer. They put Mary on a bed and started examining her.

"I don't know! Is Dr. Cullen working? He's been Mary's doctor before?" I asked them.

One of the nurses nodded and bolted off down a hallway, bringing Doctor Cullen with her. I felt relived with the sight of him; he walked over to Mary and began checking her.

"Jasper, right?" He asked me.

I nodded my head, "Yes sir."

"What happened?"

"I-I'm not sure. I think she was attacked by a group of girls. I found her lying on the ground in a park. Is she going to be okay?" I felt like everything inside of me was going to die under this stress.

"I think so; but only time will tell. I will call her sister and you can go home." Dr. Cullen spoke quickly.

"No, I want to stay. I have to stay, I need to stay." I said just as quickly.

Doctor Cullen looked over at me and nodded. "You may stay, but you should call someone to stay with you. It may be a long night. I'm sure her friends would like to know what has happened."

"Right." I said, pulling out my cell phone. Dialing Rosalie's number.

_Come on, pick up, pick up!_

"Hello?" Rose's voice came through the phone.

"Rose! Oh my gosh, I need you to come to the hospital! Mary was hurt! I found her on my way home! Rose, I don't know if she's going to be okay! She is unconscious, a-and Doctor Cullen said it's going to be a long night. I-I don't know what I am going to do! Rose, what if she isn't okay!" I spoke frantically.

"Whoa! Slow down. I will be there; I'm getting in the car right now. Hold on Jazz. It's going to be okay! I need to get off the phone so I can drive." Rose spoke clearly, but I could hear the strain in her voice.

"Okay, please hurry!"

I waited restlessly for Rose to get here. It didn't take her long, but as soon as she found me she questioned me on what had happened.

"I found her on the ground with Maria and her friends standing over her." I said quietly, shaking slightly from the boiling rage.

Rose's face went blank, "Those bi-"

"Rose!" Emmett's voice interrupted her, "Those girls may deserve names like that, but you shouldn't say them!"

Rose turned to his voice, "Oh Em!" She cried and ran into his arms. "What if she isn't okay?!"

"Shh, it's okay. Mary's a lot stronger than any of us know." Emmett spoke so seriously.

I had this tiny suspicion that he was hiding something.

"Anne here yet?"

Rose shrugged, "I haven't seen her yet."

Emmett looked over at me, "So you found her on the ground?"

I nodded my head, "Yeah, at that park by your house."

"How bad was she?" Emmett looked me in the eyes.

"I only noticed that she was unconscious and then ran her here."

Emmett's eyes widened. "You carried her here? That must have taken at least thirty minutes."

I shrugged, "No, only about ten minutes."

Emmett gave me a weird look, but he didn't say anything.

"Did you call Edward?" Rose asked him.

"Yeah, he'll be here soon. Him and Bella were going out to dinner, they'll both be here I guess." Emmett said gently, rubbing her back.

_Bella and Edward…I thought Bella and Jacob had something going on between them. _

I pushed those thoughts away, they weren't important right now. Nothing was more important than Mary right now.

~000~

Soon everyone was at the hospital, but it didn't make anything better. It was just a huge mess of worried and scared people. Mary was placed in a room, and we have all been sitting in here for about an hour.

"Jazz, come get some dinner with us." Rose said quietly.

I shook my head, "No. I'm fine, you guys go eat." _I'm not moving from her side. _

Rose's eyes were swollen and her nose was red, "Jazz, you heard Dr. Cullen. It could take all night, please you need something to eat."

"I'm not leaving Rose." I tried to smile at her, to show that I was okay, but I couldn't because I wasn't okay.

Rose and the others eventually left, and I just sat next to her.

"Please wake up." I whispered. "Please." I begged her quietly.

Her tiny, soft features didn't move or respond and I was feeling helpless. I sighed, pulling out my IPod and headphones. The silence in the room was killing me. I sang to her the words of the song, quietly promising them to her.

"Here you can be anything.

I think that scares you.

I think that scares you.

Here

I've been here before but only by myself, myself.

I promised I'd see it again.

I promised I'd see this with you now.

I promised I'd see it again.

I promised I'd see this with you now.

What giving up gives you

and where giving up takes you.

I've had and I've been.

Here in center frame,

here there's only air.

and just enough space to fit.

I promised I'd see it again.

I promised I'd see this with you now.

I promised I'd see it again.

I promised I'd see this with you now.

I said said said it out loud over and over

Said said said it out loud, but what do I know?

I said said said it out loud over and over again

I said said said it out loud over and over

I said said said it out loud but it did not help

I'll stop now.

Just enough so I can hear you

I stay up as long as it takes

I promised I'd see it again.

I promised I'd see this with you now.

I promised I'd see it again.

I promised I'd see this with you now.

I said said said it out loud over and over

Said said said it out loud, but what do I know?

I'll stop now.

Just enough so I can hear you

I stay up as long as it takes

I stay up as long as it takes

I stay up as long as it takes

I stay up as long as it takes

I stay up as long as it takes

I stay up as long as it takes

I stay up as long as it takes"

(Jimmy Eat World, Just Watch The Fireworks.)

~000~

Everybody came back about an hour later, they all looked exhausted. They were all struggling to stay awake two hours later and soon Rose, Bella, and Emmett had fallen asleep on the floor. Edward was sitting on a chair on the other side of Mary's bed.

"You might not be that bad." Edward spoke quietly.

I looked up at him, taking my eyes off of Mary. "What do you mean?"

Edward smiled softly, "You really care about her. I realized it before, at the baseball field, but it's clear now."

I was a little taken back, "That doesn't change who I am."

"It can, if you let it. She is a special kind of girl, who seems to find herself in danger quite often. She needs someone who can protect her."

"She needs someone who is good, like her." I said quietly, looking back down at her.

Edward shook his head, "Fight it all you want, but you should at least give her a choice."

"Give her a choice?" I looked back up at him, trying to judge how he was feeling.

He shrugged, "You might be surprised."

I thought about his words, wondering what he knows.

"Hey Jasper." Edward said after a while. "You should get some sleep."

I shook my head, "No way, I couldn't even if I wanted to."

Edward smiled as he closed his own eyes, "I thought so."

Soon everyone was asleep, but it wasn't peaceful like sleep should be, it was fitful.

Maybe Edward was right, maybe I should just tell her how I feel when she wakes up. If she rejects me, then at least I will know that I tried.

_But what if she doesn't reject you? _A soft voice that sounded strangely like my mother said.

~000~

About an hour later everybody was awake again. For about the past five minutes we were all discussing what we should do about Mary and her constantly getting hurt.

Everyone was tired and getting ready to leave, and decided to walk out with Emmett, Bella, and Rose.

"Hey Em, I need to use the restroom. Where is it?" Rose asked, yawning.

"Sure." Emmett said, putting his hands on her shoulders and leading her towards the restrooms. "We'll be right back."

Bella and I nodded. "Hey Bella." I said hesitantly.

Bella looked at me, "Yes?"

"Do you know Jacob Black?"

Her eyes widened. "Uhm, why?"

"He's my friend." I stated flatly. _And you were out at dinner with Edward tonight. _

Bella seemed to catch my meaning, "You can't tell anyone!" She begged.

I raised my eyebrows, "And why is that?"

She sighed, "I just, I-I don't know what I want. All the sudden both of them have been asking me out and it's all been so confusing."

"Doesn't sound so confusing; you pick one."

Bella looked me in the eyes, "I will, I'm not hurting anyone."

I scoffed, "Oh yeah? What if Edward and Jacob knew this?"

She cringed at my words, "But what if Mary and Edward finally admit to the underlying, undeniable tension between them!" She whisper yelled at me.

I suppressed the shiver that threatened to run down my spine.

_Underlying, undeniable tension? But then why would Edward tell me to give Mary a choice?_

I shook off these thoughts. "Yeah and what if there is really nothing between them?"

Bella looked at the floor, "But what if there is?" She said quietly.

"Ready to go?" Emmett asked sleepily.

Bella nodded at him and Rose, "Yes. Bye Jasper."

"See ya Jazz." Rose said quietly.

Emmett smiled at me, "Thanks for staying with our little pixie."

After I watched them leave I headed back to the room. As I reached the door I could heard Edward talking.

_That's odd, he wouldn't be talking this loud to himself, right?_

My heart leapt with joy as I realized that, that must mean that Mary is awake. When I heard her voice I had to put my hands in my pocket to keep myself from running through the door to see her. I stood there for a good couple of moments before I had calmed myself enough to knock without it being frantic.

**KNOCK KNOCK**

"Come in!" Edward called out.

I ran my fingers through my hair quickly, and then opened the door.

_She looks so tired, so weak, but she still has that cheery glow in her eyes. _

"Okay, well now that you are awake I am going to tell dad." Edward said, walking towards me and the door. He gave me a look, and then left.

_You can do it, man up and tell the girl how you feel._ I chanted in my head. I could feel the awkwardness fill the air between us. Determination swelled in my chest. _I'm going to do this!_

I walked over to her and sat down on the chair beside her bed.

She sat up, and looked at me through her eyelashes. "Thank you." She whispered sweetly.

"Don't." _It's my fault. _

"What…what do you mean 'don't'?" Her innocent voice rang in my ears, and I realized how harsh my tone was a moment ago.

I was looking into her bright eyes and decided to tell her the truth, "It was my fault. Maria was only did this because she thought I broke up with her because of you."

She looked down and the room felt sad, heartbroken, and self-deprecating. "Oh. Well it's not your fault that's what she thought." Her voice came out in a low whisper.

I couldn't handle her feeling so down, and without thinking I placed my hand gently on her cheek.

_Here goes nothing._

"There is just something about you, I don't know if it's the absolute cheerfulness that swirl in your eyes, or the way you dance as you walk, or maybe it's just the way that when you look me in the eyes I feel like you can see straight to my soul; maybe it's all of that, but I'm drawn to you." _You sound like a creep, _my inner monologue spat. I laughed, trying to shake it off. "It sounds crazy, I've only had a single decent conversation with you; but I can't shake these feelings. I want you to know, that I didn't break up with Maria because of you…I didn't even realize I had these feelings towards you till afterwards, that relationship with her was toxic, and wrong. But it wasn't until I saw you that I realized how terrible it was."

Her whole face lit up, and I began to feel nervous with her giddy and shocked emotions.

_Is she going to laugh at me? _

"I'm sorry." I said, trying to smile, dropping my hand.

_You can't just grab people's faces and declare your undying love…oh there is that word again: love._

I looked down at my lap, and I felt the most agonizing feeling ever. It was very close to the emotions I had been feeling when I carried her unconscious body to the hospital. I quickly looked up at her. Why is she feeling this?

"I have no idea what you are thinking, but why do you look so sad?" I said, searching her eyes for some tell of her reasoning.

"Uh, uhm…whooaaa." She laughed awkwardly. "I-I just wasn't expecting you to say that."

_Great, now you blew it! You had to be a weirdo and say things like you're just "drawn to her". _

"You're right, everything you said sounded crazy. But since I first saw you, goodness, it's like you, a person I didn't even know, was suddenly everything." She spoke quickly and nervously.

I could have sworn that my heart had stopped.

_I was suddenly…everything? _

I was so lost in my thoughts that I wasn't aware of the awkwardness growing between us.

I laughed away the tension, "Who knew?" my voice came out in a whisper.

_Seriously, who knew?_

~000~

The night turned out to be better than I could have ever dreamed of when I first saw her lifeless in the park. We held hands, laughed, and talked about casual things. I finally got to know the girl I have been silently falling for since I first saw her. I didn't notice it at first, but ever since that moment everything in my life has been falling into place; I don't feel so angry anymore.

Then suddenly Mary decided to tell me something, that was almost more surprising than her feeling the same way about me; almost.

"Well I didn't really have many friends; most kids thought I was really weird." She said sadly, and suddenly dropped her eyes from mine.

"Why would they do that?" I asked, holding her tiny little hands in my mine, trying to comfort her.

_I couldn't imagine anyone not liking her…she's so kind and sweet. _I had an irrational anger towards those who made her feel this way.

"Because, eh, I-I am. I am weird, I mean. It's kinda strange, and complicated, and uh-uhm. Maybe I can show you."

She closed her eyes, and I sat here silently waiting for her to tell show me whatever it was. Her eyes fluttered under her lids and her hands went limp in mine.

_Is she able to pop her eyes out of her head or something? _

After a while her face lit up and she grinned goofily. The space between us was filled with love and excitement. "Uhm, give me another minute."

Her eyes began to flutter and her hands went limp again.

"Perfect!" She squealed, pulling her phone from the sheets around her. "What's your number?"

Taken a back, but not questioning her yet, I smiled and gave her my number. "Now, I'm not complaining, but why did I just give you my number?" I couldn't help but grin that she now has my number.

"I'm going to text you something, but you cannot read it until you're done with your phone call. Oh and you have to promise not to freak out, because it's weird."

_Oh okay, _"Oh so you texted me why people thought you were weird? Why can't you just say it? And wait, what do you mean after my ph-"

**BRRINNNGGG BBBRRRRRRINNG BBRRRRINNGG**

_What, how did she know my phone was going to ring? And who is calling me at this hour?_

I looked at the caller I.D. "Hey Pete, no I forget to go to the grocery tonight…I know, we totally need to figure out what that lady's name was. Maybe Rose can figure it out tomorrow…But hey it's like four am why are you calling me?" Wait, she said I could read the text after my phone call."Hey Pete, I will be home later. I'll explain it all then."

I quickly hung up and searched for the text.

**From: UNKNOWN NUMBER**

**You will say this, exactly, in a few minutes.**

**Hey Pete, no I forget to go to the grocery tonight…I know, we totally need to figure out what that lady's name was. Maybe Rose can figure it out tomorrow…But hey it's like four am why are you calling me?**

_Whoa. _

After that I told her about my little talent, and she proceeded to tell me that Edward can read minds. I took a mental note to remember not to think about Bella when he was around. No wonder he yelled at me that night in the parking lot, and always has that knowing look. I always just presumed that he was cocky; well now I know he has a good reason. But then I wonder why he hasn't realized Bella is playing both him and Jacob? I really hope keeping my mouth shut will not come back around and bite me someday.

Soon it was time to go home, and I got to walk her home. It was nice and felt right, it felt calming. But of course today continued to be surprises because I saw the lady who Pete and I keep trying to have our mom meet. She remember Pete and I as the kids who never use a cart, I never really thought of it like that before so it was funny to hear. I didn't think the night could get better, but it did.

We stood here on her front yard, looking into each other's eyes. I was feeling a giddy high from the night and couldn't help but grin. Everything in me wanted to kiss her, but I am going to take this slow. I slowly bent down and kissed her forehead. I felt her lean into me, and I dropped my forehead to hers so I could see her eyes.

"This is where we part. Text me later when you wake up, and maybe we can do something?"

She grinned at me, "I promise."

I was feeling so silly at the thought that she was promising to hang out with me later, that I didn't think through what I said next. "Pink promise?"

She giggled like she had done Thursday, and I felt my insides swell. "Pinky promise."

"Pinky promise."

We crossed our pinky and held our hands like that, just looking into each other's eyes.

_I could stare into those beautiful eyes for the rest of my life_. I thought happily.

I kissed her hand, and waved. There wasn't a moment in my life that I could recall feeling this happy and free.

* * *

**A/N I hope you liked this chapter! Please review, favorite, and/or follow! **

**By the way, I do not have a beta reader, and I have been noticing more and more mistakes I have made when I am going through and writing Jasper's POV. I haven't been able to find a beta yet, so if any of you know of one or are one, please let me know! I would highly appreciate it! **

**Next chapter will be posted soon, and it will be the group date one. A particular chapter that I don't like, it's sad. ): **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all rights go to Stephanie Meyer.**

**A/N This will follow Alice's chapters eight and nine. This will be slightly short, just a little insight to the night he ran off and his reaction to what Maria did to Alice's house. It fills in the blanks the little too. **

**If you really want to feel the depression that Jazz is feeling, I suggest listening to the song Reckless by San Cisco, that song is what gave me the inspiration for this chapter (The lyrics are in the chapter as well.) And just for a warning, there is some alcohol abuse in this chapter! As I have previously said before, I do not agree or suggest behaving like Jasper has or anyone one else at these little fighting parties they have. **

**With all of that said, please enjoy Jasper's POV :D**

* * *

Chapter Six, I am a Reckless Idiot.

_Jenks_

It was the only thought running through my mind as I ran, I just needed to get away from the fear; the fear that the pretty little sunshine will hate me, the fear of Jenks.

I found myself in Newton's parking lot, and the realization of what I had just done hit me.

_I left her; by herself in the dark…I left her._

I was mentally kicking myself for being so terribly stupid and careless.

_She didn't mean any harm! _My thoughts spat at me.

I heard some faint music, and remembered what was going on about a mile down the woods. Before I could talk myself out of it my feet were carrying me to the sound of voices and loud, pounding music. I sent a quick text message to Peter letting him know where I was, knowing deep down that I was about to get into some trouble.

~000~

I woke up the next morning, entangled in limbs from the different people sleeping all around me. I felt my heart sink, as I laid on the dirty ground of the forest.

_She'll never forgive you for this. _My mind spat at me. The hang over that I was experiencing definitely agreed with the bitter thought.

The radio was still playing rather loud, and the words from the current song tore my chest into a million pieces. The deep, agonizing melody filled the air around me. As little rays of sunshine shone through the trees, I couldn't get her face out of my mind.

"And it's warm

Like a soft kiss

Your someone that I'm gonna miss

Because all of the loving in the world

Well I wouldn't mind loving that girl

No I wouldn't mind loving that girl

'Cause reckless is fun when you're not the one that gets hurt

'Cause reckless is fun when you're not the one that gets hurt

Put all my thoughts into a jar

Hide it away somewhere so far

The thoughts, the things I thought I knew

And you could fit right in there too

You could fit right in there too

'Cause reckless is fun when you're not the one that gets hurt

'Cause reckless is fun when you're not the one that gets hurt

'Cause when your hearts in your mouth

And your guts on the ground

And you've got nothing left from the chest down

And something is nothing 'cause what you had

Was so much, so much better than that

'Cause reckless is fun when you're not the one that gets hurt

'Cause reckless is fun when you're not the one that gets hurt

'Cause when your hearts in your mouth

And your guts on the ground

And you've got nothing left from the chest down

And something is nothing 'cause what you had

Was so much, so much better than that"

(Reckless, by San Cisco.)

I tried to carefully remove myself from the mess of people as the song played; but everything around me started to blur. Warm, wet tears began to flow uncontrollably down my cheeks. Even though I tried to quickly wipe them away, they wouldn't stop; my soul was crying out over the girl I had just lost with my reckless and careless behavior. I just sat up, looking around at all of the young people around me.

_What are we doing? _I longed for the answer. The answer to why we decided to drown our sorrows, because it's still there when it wears off.

As I looked around at all of the faces, remembering what had happened. The memories only caused my tears to flow faster. I dropped my hand into my heads, unable to stop the tears, I broke.

***FLASH BACK***

"Oh you poor baby? It seems things didn't work out with the little girl you've been spending so much energy on." Maria said, in a slightly mocking tone.

She was twisting her fingers in my hair as she sat in my lap. I don't really remember when she sat down, and I was too numb and too drunk to care.

Jacob sat down next to us in another fold out chair, "Drink up my friend! Nothing turns away the blues from a girl like this will!" He hollered over the loud music, as he handed me another cup.

I took it willingly; I didn't want to feel the self-hatred brewing inside of me.

"S-she just s-shouldn't have asked!" I began to slur my words slightly, "E-everyshiingg was s-sh-sh-super before!"

Jacob nodded his head frantically, "I feel your pain. Though mine is a little different, suddenly Bella has been a little cold with me!"

I laughed bitterly at my friend, "Dude. Sh-he is playing you!"

Jacob's head snapped towards, he looked angry. "You don't know what you're talking about."

Maria laughed, "Jacob, you're such an idiot! Have you not seen her all over that Cullen kid?" Maria rolled her eyes, "It's almost as bad as that little tramp hanging all over my Jasper."

My stomach content rose to the back my throat when she called me _hers; _causing me to heave over the side of my chair, leaving me with an even greater empty feeling.

"OH EW!" Maria screeched, quickly jumping up out of my lap.

Jacob laughed darkly, "Well then here is to all of those who seem determined to steal our happiness."

Maria grabbed another cup and cheered with Jacob.

"JASPER?!" Peter's voice filled my ears, panic and doubt lacing voice. He ran over to the three of us, horror masking his face, "Did you completely lose your mind?!" He harshly accused at me.

"No, he just found it." Maria said casually.

Peter rounded on her; he looked as if he could kill someone. "We're going home, now." He said to me, trying to pull me up out of the chair.

"Nooo! I want to stay! I want this," I gestured to my chest, "To go away!"

Peter looked incredulous, "You idiot! Get up!"

I whined and fought against him as he pulled and tugged on me. Finally he gave up, just looking at me sadly. "You're going to regret this. What even happened? I thought tonight was the big date night!"

I scoffed, "I thought sho!" I slurred slightly.

Pete sighed, turning around and walking away.

I threw my hands up in the air, "I don'sh shneed shou!" I yelled at him.

Maria shrugged and sat back down on my lap, "You know you shouldn't have left me for her." She said coldly.

I glared at her, "Get off." I basically growled.

Maria gaped at me, "Excuse me?"

She suddenly screamed at she landed on the ground. "He said get off." Pete said briskly.

He was holding a plate with chips in one hand and a soda with the other. "Sober up." He said harshly, placing the food on my lap. He sent a glare towards Maria, who had just huffed and ran off.

"Hehehe!" Jacob laughed from beside me, "I never did like her."

Pete smiled at this, "Finally something we agree on."

Having food and something other than alcohol in my stomach helped the empty feeling lighten up; but not completely, or anywhere near it.

"You know," I said, stuffing my mouth with food, "She just should have left it alone."

"Left what alone?" Pete said.

"She asked me about…_Jenks._"

"So you told her, and she hates you?" Peter asked quietly.

"No." I looked down at the plate on my lap, "I just ran off."

I felt the air around me turn to irritation. "What is wrong with you?" Peter was looking at me like I had gone insane.

Jacob who was still sitting beside us laughed, "I'll tell you what's wrong with him! When you truly love a girl, you turn into a reckless idiot!"

I nodded my head frantically, pointing at Jacob. "He gets it!"

Pete looked between the two of us, his face showing his shock, "You two are morons! If you truly love someone you do whatever you can to protect them! Not be the very thing that hurts them! You recklessly protect them, you don't recklessly hurt them!"

Jacob scoffed, "You don't get it Peter! These girls, they drive you crazy!"

"Yeah! Then when you have a sister who goes and tells them about your past, the very thing you don't want them to know…" I said, anger rising in my voice. "I mean, if she just would have kept her mouth shut everything would be fine! She had no business talking about Jenks! I mean who does she think she is?" Blaming my sister felt wrong, but it made me feel less guilty about it all.

Peter rolled his eyes, "And you just thought you could keep all your skeletons locked up and have a happy relationship void of honesty?"

His words were like a knife in my chest. I opened my mouth multiple times to try to defend myself, but nothing came out.

"Yeah, but what if the girl isn't honest either?" Jacob spat out bitterly.

This caused the angry monster inside of me to break out completely, "Exactly!" I said standing up, "Hanging all over some other guy! Never explaining why, just secretly whispering to each other all of the time! And I am just supposed to be okay with that?!" I looked pointedly at Peter, "She ignores my existence, and everyone else's for that matter whenever she and Edward are together. They go out for coffee, it's like they have their own little world!"

Jacob nodded his head, agreeing with my words. "Then they expect us to be okay with them spending their time elsewhere and they don't even bother to explain things. Just freaking hanging out with another guy and expects us to believe they are just friends…when you know, you KNOW that there has to be something going on!"

Then it hit me, _Jacob is talking about Bella…who is with Edward. Geesh! He's stealing both of our girls!_

I started to laugh, laugh away the pathetic feelings inside of me. "It's not worth it." I threw the plate down and walked off.

Peter stood there, aghast, silently watching me walk away.

~000~

Maria tasted like cheap beer, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered, I had already lost her; Mary will never forgive this.

Maria pulled her lips away from mine and looked into my eyes, "You don't seem all here." She stated flatly.

I shrugged, "I'm not."

She rolled her eyes, "And why is that?"

"My heart is with _her_." I said honestly.

Maria laughed darkly, "Oh so she was your rebound after me, but now I am her rebound? Well guess what Whitlock! That girl is NEVER going to come back to after this!" Maria fumbled around in pocket looking for something.

"She wasn't a rebound." I said harshly.

Suddenly coming to my senses when she said that. _What am I doing?!_

I quickly jumped away from Maria, although I wasn't very steady yet my mind was starting to clear. I was drunk, that was obvious, I cannot even remember how I ended up making out with Maria.

Maria gaped at me as I backed away, "What do you think you are doing?"

I turned and ran away from her, running towards the group of people dancing around. There were a couple fights going on, but mostly everyone was too drunk to care. It was dark, and it felt like the trees were closing in, I felt trapped. So I did the familiar thing, I grabbed a cup and started to chug it down; the more I drink the less I feel, and I didn't want to feel anything.

***END OF FLASHBACK***

The bad thing about alcohol is, it's still there when it wears off; all of the memories, feelings, emotions. I ran my fingers through my hair, I felt so lost, so terribly lost.

~000~

After I finally gathered my wits together and left the woods, I went home and showered. It was eleven o'clock in the morning, I felt sick and exhausted. After taking some medicine for the awful hang over, I decided I should go to bed; and fortunately even with all of the horror I was feeling with my behavior, I fell asleep instantly.

"JASPER, WAKE UP!"

Someone screamed into my ear, causing me to jump out of sleep, falling out of my bed. I opened my eyes to see a frantic Peter, "GET UP NOW!"

"Whoa! Hey, okay, I am awake!" I hollered at him, shaking slightly from the abrupt and loud waking up I just endured. I stood up, facing him.

"You idiot!" He yelled at me, "You really are the world's biggest idiot!"

"Ouch…" I said quietly.

Pete looked at me, pity and horror mingling in his eyes, his mood crazed. "Not only were you stupid enough to get drunk and let Maria hang all over you, but someone took photos of it all and then put those photos all over Mary's front yard!" He shook his head, "I'm almost 100% sure it was Maria. She also threw rocks into Mary's house. Luckily Rose and the Cullens were there too. They are all staying there tonight."

I felt like time had froze, the sickness I was feeling from my hang over was nothing compared to what I was feeling right now. My mind attacked me with harsh thoughts.

_She could have been hurt._

_Well she probably was hurt with seeing all of that!_

_You don't even know what she saw!_

_This is what you get for leaving her!_

_She'll never forgive this. EVER._

I couldn't take it any longer, my feet carried me out of my room and out of the house.

_I HAVE TO MAKE THIS RIGHT._

As I ran towards her house the song Reckless came to mind, and followed me all the way to her street. Like it was telling me that I couldn't make this right, Mary may be the sweetest most amazing girl I have ever met, but she couldn't forgive this; could she?

I stopped when her house was in view; I felt the aura of my sunshine, the only light I've seen in a long time. But I had destroyed that light, in one careless, reckless night I had lost my entire world.

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**A/N What did you think? This chapter was really hard to write, I definitely don't like writing Jasper feeling so miserable and lost; but we all know that things get better soon...or at least for the moment (;**

**I'm not going to write a chapter about his and Alice's conversation at the diner but the next chapter will be about Riley, with some flashbacks of what really went on between him and the gang before they were friends! (: **

**Thank you all who read, review, favorite, and follow! I love you guys! (: *heart* Please leave a review telling me your thoughts, I loving hearing from you guys! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; all rights go to Stephanie Meyer.**

**A/N WARNING, some possibly intense fighting (: and a shout out to my amazing beta, PenguinCullen06. **

**Helloooo! :D I just want to say thank you, you guys truly are amazing! I don't know what I'd do without you guys reading, following, favoriting (even though my word processor says this isn't a word…I say it is! :P ), and reviewing. You guys give me so much inspiration and courage to post my stories and chapters. I am so very sorry about how late and sporadic these chapters have been. Summer came along and I thought I was going to finally have some good free time to write…but I was wrong. So please stick with me, I will keep posting, I am just not always sure when. But I am going to be posting on Mondays from now on, I'm all caught up to do so! (:**

**Anyway, this chapter will be following Alice's POV of chapter 12. Well if any of you actually read all the way down to here…I love you guys! :D I hope you enjoy this chapter! *heart* **

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Chapter Seven, You Again. 

"Crimson and clover, over and over…" I mumbled quietly under my breath as I walked the halls.

_I wonder where everyone else is… _

I turned the corner, and found somewhat of an answer to my thought. There was Edward, Rose and Mary. He was pulling the two girls along. Whatever had upset him was really causing him to lose his self-control; he was angry, I mean to almost the point of hatred. The girls, they were confused. It was slightly amusing to see the array of emotions filling about the three of them; but more so, it made me curious.

"Hey what's go-" I started to ask, but Edward sent me a glare that told me to not ask.

Edward just drug them past me, so I followed.

_Edward…what happened? _

I knew it was hopeless to get a word out of him, especially as he continued to walk everyone outside.

_We are going to miss class… _I thought a little irritated.

Edward pulled out his phone and began texting angrily. The two of girls looked at me, still highly confused. Edward's head snapped up and he glared at Mary. Whatever was making him so angry he was sending it in that glare at Mary.

I quickly stepped closer to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulder. "Don't glare at her like that." I said calmly.

_Because if you don't quite…I am not afraid of taking the glare off of your face. _I silently threatened, _you may be my friend, but you have absolutely no reason to look at her like this. Why the heck are we all out here?_

I knew he could hear me; he just wasn't going to answer me. So I decided to say it aloud. "Could you explain why you were dragging my gir-"

I stopped speaking.

_My girlfriend…_

Everyone's feelings turned to slight amusement and almost embarrassment towards me. I didn't feel embarrassment as much I did felt determined.

_Probably need to officially ask her. _

Under my arm Mary began to emit happy, loving, and excited feelings. Emotions of safety, love, calm, sheer happiness, and some kind of longing swirled around her.

"What's up my peeps?" Emmett hollered as he walked towards us, "Are we skipping class? Oh if we are can we go get some ice cream?" Emmett's excitement grew as he spoke about skipping class for ice cream.

"Emmett." My sister mumbled in her 'I can't believe you just said that' voice.

"Riley is back in town." Edward said, breaking the light atmosphere that Emmett had brought.

Now I understood Edward's fury.

***FLASHBACK***

"Have you seen that new kid?" Jacob asked me in a low whisper.

I shrugged, "What new kid?"

Jacob gawked at me, "Here, tonight?" He spoke in obvious tones.

I looked around the clearing, seeing plenty of people I knew, but no one sticking out. But then I saw his blonde hair and dare devilish expression. "Oh, are you talking about Riley?"

"You know him?" Jacob sounded surprised.

"Uh yah, he goes to school to the high school. He is a real show off, has some anger issues as well."

Jacob nodded his head, "Yeah, but don't we all have those problems here?"

"No, I mean he punched Emmett Cullen in the face just to prove he was stronger. Then takes claim on some girl at school; you can tell she isn't into him." I felt anger rise in my chest, it was disgusting to see him act around Bree.

"Your girlfriend is into him." Jacob observed.

I turned around to see him talking to Maria, and I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. I'm out of here." I threw my plastic cup away and walked out of the clearing.

"I didn't feel like boxing tonight anyway." I mumbled to myself.

~000~

Riley kept showing up to the meetings, and I kept leaving early. He was a show off, and not all that good of a fighter. I mean he was able to get a punch on Cullen, but I think that it was sheer luck; and would never happen again. I was getting really sick and tired of the way everyone crowded around him here. At school he is basically an outcast, but here he is adored.

_Wow…very hypocritical Jasper. _My mind scolded me, _doesn't that sound like your own story? Outcast at school, but not here; not in this clearing where you reign. _

I groaned at my own thought. Why does my mind tend to side against me… _now that just sounds crazy. _

I sighed, my thoughts slightly amusing, slightly freaking me out.

"What's the sigh for?" Maria's voice purred beside me.

I shrugged, "Tired."

"Ah. Well, you have no reason to be tired. Riley is kicking your record out of play." She spoke with venom in her voice.

I held in my sigh. "Why does that matter?"

She laughed bitterly, "Because I don't date losers." Then she came closer and brought her lips to mine, "Don't be a loser, because I am rather fond of you. Okay?" She basically demanded.

I didn't reply or nod. I just walked away, knowing I was going to have to be against Riley at some point. I walked out to where a few people were in a match. I also saw Peter standing to the side watching in on one. He was watching Riley and Jacob. Intrigued I stepped up towards them. Once I stood next to Peter, Riley knocked Jacob out. We were used to people getting knocked out here. But then Riley jumped on him and continued to punch Jacob in the face. This, people were not used to. It caused uproar, and Peter tackled Riley off of Jacob. Peter at first tried to just calm Riley down, but Riley got a right hook at his cheek, and another on his side. Peter doubled over to the side, releasing Riley. I dashed over to Riley, grabbed him by the collar and slammed him into a nearby tree.

"Leave, now!" I told him, my voice calm and steady, although I was boiling with rage.

Riley laughed, "Oh yeah, what are you going to do about it? You've been too much of a wimp to fight me anyway. What? Now that some competition is actually here, you are afraid that you won't be the big shot anymore? You're such a coward!" He spat at me, and then literately spat in my face.

I let go of him, "I'll give you the match you've been craving for." I promised him, "But here is the deal. I win, you leave. You win, I'll leave."

"Deal!" Riley said, smiling greedily. "This is going to be a piece of cake!" He said proudly to the group of people around us.

I smiled at his arrogant nature. This is going to be fun. Maybe next time he will think before messing with my friends and family.

I forced myself to calm down as I faced him. As long as I was calm, I would win. It wasn't bragging, just a face. But since I saw a bloodied Peter standing to the side, and an unconscious Jacob, I was feeling anything but calm. I closed my eyes for a moment, thinking of my friends, telling myself I had to put aside my emotions for them.

I opened my eyes to see Riley grinning, "Ready princess?" He teased.

I nodded my head, feeling the calmness spread through my veins. Riley came at me confidently, but I ducked down to the side and swung a cross at his chest. Riley let out a small "oomph" and took a step back, narrowing his eyes at me. I could see the joy of fighting lite in his eyes. I smirked at him, these were no rule fights. The only thing you couldn't go for was the eyes. I've only ever seen Riley box. I gave him a roundhouse kick to the chest, knocking him to the forest ground.

"Pride cometh before the fall." I said, smirking at him.

He was wheezing and grabbing his chest. He looked furious.

***END OF FLASHBACK***

I groaned as I lay in bed. Being grounded was awful. It was all Edward's fault anyway. He is the one who was dragging Mary around. How could I not follow him? But I am glad he told us about Riley as soon as possible. He has another thing coming to him if he thinks I am going to let him touch my girl.

"You look evil." Peter commented as he walked in our room.

I smirked, "Maybe I am."

Peter laughed at this. "Maybe you were, or could have been. But little Miss Mary has definitely taken any evil you had left and squashed it with her squeals and giggles."

I rolled my eyes, "You make that sound like a bad thing."

He smiled widely at me, "You don't see it, do you? You're whipped."

I sat up, scoffing. "I am not whipped. We aren't even officially together. How can I be whipped?"

Peter eyed me suspiciously, "You haven't asked that girl out yet? Maybe you've just turned into a baby."

"I am not a baby! I-It's just, well…uh." I couldn't come up with a reason I haven't asked her out officially yet. I dropped myself back down on the bed. "Maybe I have turned into a baby."

Peter laughed again, turning out the light. "Maybe you should fix that."

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**A/N I love you guys! Thank you for reading, I hope you guys liked the chapter! Let me know what you thought (: It makes my day when I get a review...really it does *heart***


	8. NEWS

About a month ago I lost everything on my computer, and then school started back up, and college classes started up. Posting and writing for here kind of got pushed to the bottom of the list! I didn't mean for it to go on for so long, but I got really busy! I wanted to send this out on all three stories to let you guys know what is going on!

First news is, When I'm With You is completed. Please tell me what you guys thought of the story! It was my first story ever shared, and it was so great to have people following and reviewing! It was really encouraging! Thank you guys so much!

Second, I will update on Paint Strokes and She's My Sunshine this Monday! (In 3 days!)

Third, I have a new story I have been slowly working on that I will be posting soon! I can't give you guys a preview because I am still working on the finished draft, but I can let you know that it's about! It's about the beloved Seth, set a couple years after the Cullen family have moved on (although they are still in contact with our favorite wolf pack!) I've created a character who will be his imprint. (: Bubbly, loyal, charismatic Seth will meet shy, loner, artistic, secret hiding Mia. After Mia gets shipped to her uncle's in Forks after a devastating accident back home in New Hampshire, she meets the crazy, outgoing La Push boys and finds one of them to be a little too friendly and helpful than what is normal from a stranger. How will the quiet Mia handle being thrown into the crazy world of shape shifters? WELL you can find out in about 3 weeks! I'll be posting the first chapter in exactly 29 days from today on a Monday!

Fourth, please check out two very dear fanfiction friends of mine! Panemaniac, she has a very beautiful story of Les Miserables and a story of her friend's she posted called Diary of a Chorus Girl. Panemaniac is a fantastic writer and worth checking out! And my friend Lily Von Schweetz, she has some very interesting stories of Wreck-it-Ralph. Her stories had me interested enough to watch the movie, which is the cutest movie!

Until Monday, you guys rock for still reading (and new readers) I honestly never thought anyone would be interested in my stories. I squeal and do a happy dance every time fanfiction emails me with an alert that someone is following/alerting my story or reviewed. It's an amazing feeling!

God bless!

Hope to hear from you all on Monday, or see that you viewed the stories! I love you guys! (:


	9. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight; all rights go to Stephenie Meyer.**

**A/N Sorry about this being a day late! There are two more chapters after this one before I finish this story. The last chapter will be a view into the married life of Alice and Jasper. (: **

**Shout out to my beta, who is absolutely awesome: PenguinCullen06! (:**

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Chapter Eight, Upside Down

Avoidance, pity, secrecy, shame, those are just a couple of the emotions that the Cullen boys have felt since Mary's disappearance. They barely make eye contact, with me, with Rose, with anyone. Emmett plays football, walks to class, has the minimum amount of conversation to not be rude to those who approach him, but he doesn't talk to you otherwise. Edward, he shut everything and everyone out. He looks like death, walking around. Neither of them talks to Rose or me. It ticks me off, but honestly I don't know if I want to know.

_No…I do. _My mind quickly spoke, pushing away any feelings of fear. If she was dead…I'd hunt the person who was responsible down. If she was alive…I'd find her.

But no one will talk about Mary and Anne's disappearance, but they do gossip about it. Especially when then they found blood in that alley, and cops were at Mary's house. Something went on; I just wasn't allowed to know about it.

Rose came into the kitchen, dressed and ready to leave for school. But she was different, no longer the fashion diva she used to be: wearing a grey hoodie, a black pair of tennis shoes, and straight leg dark jeans. She had no makeup on, showing the half-moon purple bags under her eyes. She looked hallow and thinner. We wore almost identical outfits, and our faces were the same worn and tired mask.

My sister was like a morphed reflection of me, and as her eyes moved over to me, she seemed to realize this as well. My emotionless sister's face burned red, and I felt waves of anger assault me. She picked up the a vase that was sitting on the counter holding yellow daisies, something mom thought would help bring a little cheer into the house again, and threw it in my direction. I ducked in time, and heard the vase shatter on the wall behind me.

"I LOOK LIKE YOU!" She sobbed, breaking down onto the floor and hugging her knees into her chest.

Completely taken aback by her outburst I sat there staring at her, not sure how to react. Mom and Peter came running into the kitchen, looking between me, Rose, and the broken vase with daisies all over the floor for some indication for what happened. Sensing I didn't understand myself, mom cleared her thought.

"Jasper, please clean that up." She said, pointing behind me.

I nodded and quickly went into the hallway to grab the broom. I heard mom say something to Rose, and by the time I got back into the kitchen the two girls had left.

"They went out the back door." Peter said quietly. He had picked up the daisies and was cleaning up the water from the floor. I grabbed some more paper towels and bent down to help him. "Are you okay?" He asked, keeping his gaze firmly on the floor.

I shrugged, and felt my throat constrict. "Sure. Rose doesn't have that good of aim."

Peter looked up at me, his eyes telling me he wished he could say more. His emotions complicated. "I know you don't want to talk about it…but if you ever need to." He spoke seriously, a sort of understanding and sympathy oozed into the air; also this constricting feeling that made me feel alone and scared.

I remembered how he felt when his parents had passed, he was remembering what it was like to lose someone. I gave him a mocking grin, "Turning therapist are we now?" I refused to let him relive those feelings.

Peter smiled back at me and rolled his eyes. But he still felt the same, and I knew that it was going to haunt me forever.

~000~

The clock told me it was 1:23 am. Sleep was something I hadn't experienced in weeks. I quietly rolled out of bed and grabbed a sweat shirt and stuffed my feet into a pair of sneakers. Peter was in a deep sleep, completely unaware of my leaving the room. As I walked down the hallway I heard a soft sputtering noise, like a sink had been left on. I turned around and there was a light from under the bathroom door. Curiosity pulled me towards it, and after a couple steps I heard a choking sob. It stopped me immediately. My sister was in there trying to hide the fact that she was crying. I slowly backed away, knowing I couldn't be any help to her. It was good she was crying because she needed to mourn. She needed to feel better, and I wasn't going to get in the way of that. Her heartbreaking emotions followed me as I walked out the front door. I had to get out of the house, I needed something, I just wasn't sure what.

_To mourn… _A small voice in the back of my head answered for me.

I let out a harsh laugh, I needed answers, not to cry.

I ignored my own inner trouble, and started to jog which turned into a run. Cold air bitterly scorching my lungs and throat, but I didn't care. I had no destination in mind, or at least I thought I hadn't. I found myself standing in front of Mary's house, panting heavily. I dropped to my knees in the grass and looked up at the sky. Anger rising in my chest.

"Why did this happen?" I asked aloud, no longer being able to contain my thoughts. I laughed at my own absurd behavior.

_Like I expected an answer._

But I did…I expected, no I needed answers. "If there is really a God out there, the one Mary believed in, then why haven't you saved her? Why did you take her away from me?"

***WOOF WOOF***

A dog barked somewhere close, my head snapped up and I saw Aro from behind a window in the Cullen's house. I hate that stupid dog of Edward's.

"Shut up Aro!" I yelled, even though the dog could neither hear or understand me.

I heard a door creak open, and I looked up. Edward was standing on his front porch, he looked tired and lost. "Jasper?" He called out, walking towards me, "Is that you?"

I gave an irritated snort, "Suddenly talking to me are you now?"

Edward shrugged. "I see you, and I'm sorry."

"That's kind of vague." I spat at him, "What are you even talking about?"

Edward's eyes were focused on Mary's bedroom window. It was strange to seem him focusing on anything, he hasn't looked even remotely aware of his surrounding since Mary vanished. "I'm sorry that I can't tell you." He said with hesitancy in his voice.

_Oh yeah, I bet you are so terribly sorry! That is exactly why you are keeping things from me. For goodness sakes! She was my girlfriend! _I was angry with him, I hated that he knew something and was not sharing.

"She was my best friend. I cannot tell you for your own good." He said in a horse whisper.

"Keep out of my thoughts!" I all but growled at him.

Edward nodded his head, "Yeah…"

I groaned, "What do you want?" I asked; feeling my anger boiling, fantasizing of punching him in his stupid vacant face.

"I'd want to hit me too." He said, kicking a pebble that was on the sidewalk, "And I've tried asking God too." He added, not looking in my direction or Mary's house.

Shock took over me, "I thought you would keep out of my head? And you were spying on me?" I jumped up, ready to hit him.

Edward finally looked me in the eyes, "You don't think I'm angry too? Trust me the answers don't ease the pain! About reading your mind… that is not something I can just turn off. Everyone is asleep, and I was caught off guard by your thoughts, loud and angry"

My anger dimmed. "I'm sorry." I mumbled. I knew this was hard on all of us_; I just hated him for knowing what happened. He and Mary have always had some connection; he always knows things that she wouldn't tell me, he has been her first go to person. Now she is gone and he still has more of Mary to hold on to. _

"She only told me because I k-" Edward stopped himself, and for the first time I felt some emotion from him. He turned panicked, worried.

I grabbed him by his collar, the anger finally overflowing. "I'M TIRED OF THIS! WHAT DO YOU KNOW!? WHAT WON'T YOU TELL ME!?"

Edward's eyes widened. "I-I can't. She trusted me with this, and her life depends on it." He spoke gently, "She's alive, and as far as I know…she's okay."

"UGH, I hate you! I really do!" I let go of his shirt and took off running.

I found myself at the park, where Mary had been hurt twice. I wondered over to the swing and sat down. I imagined her sitting next to me, her bright energy giving light to the dark evening. I pictured her smiling and chatting away about some shopping trip her and Rose had planned. I would go to every store she wanted; I'd do and be everything she needed. I just wanted her here, to be real. To tell me she is okay and that everything will be just fine.

I felt something hot and warm fall on my cheek, and looked up to see if it was raining. But then I realized, I was crying. But it was not out of anger or loss, it was relief. Because no matter what happened and how stupid Edward was keeping from me, I knew what I needed to know: Mary is okay. That is what mattered the most, and I would find her again someday. I was not just in love with her, it wasn't about attraction. Mary believed in me and stuck by me even though I had a shady past and have done a whole lot of crappy things. She was my friend, and I missed her.

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**A/N Thanks for reading! I love you guys! Thank you for reviewing, favorite, and following this story! **


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